


i'm still learning to love (just starting to crawl)

by swarkler



Category: Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, also kind of childhood sweethearts au?, background Gert/Chase, exes!au, i will warn y'all that their break up was ugly and this is probably going to be very angsty, major nico/victor brotp, minor karolina/julie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarkler/pseuds/swarkler
Summary: A week. Nico is going to be back for a week. Surely Karolina can handle having Nico around for a single week, can’t she? Definitely. Just seven quick days and then she’ll be gone and everything will fall right back to normal.(Karolina had never thought her idea of normal would be one that doesn’t include Nico Minoru, but things change).---Karolina and Nico are childhood sweethearts who dated throughout their whole lives until everything fell apart three years ago. The girls haven't seen each other since, but Gert and Chase's wedding  forces them to spend a week together. Can seven days be enough to fix what they broke? Do they even want to?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> karolina has Moved On (TM), nico is a precious bean who's grown so much and is just trying her best not to be an asshole

When Karolina gets a text from Gert asking her to meet for breakfast, she doesn't’ worry. Sure, they’re right in the middle of the week and they live in completely opposite sides of town, so it’s not exactly something they do often - they usually prefer to hang out on weekends - but she figures it’s probably just some last minute wedding stuff, nothing out of the ordinary. 

The thing is: Karolina’s life is good, and has been like that for a while now. She goes to a great school that she loves, she lives close enough to home to see her childhood friends all the time and she has the world’s greatest girlfriend by her side. There was a point in Karolina’s life in which she thought she would never be able to let go of her past, but now? Now she lives in the present, and the present is good, so good that she _never_ catches herself looking back anymore.

(Well, _never_ might be a stretch, but most days she doesn’t).

She spends the 40 minute drive to Gert’s favorite diner listening to the upbeat playlist she and Julie made together, not letting the heavy traffic get to her. At the very least she knows the place has good vegan options, and it has been such a long time since she’s had anything other than almond milk banana smoothies for breakfast.

Gert is already waiting for her when she arrives, an anxious smile plastered on her face. Karolina begins to suspect something is wrong, but tells herself she’s reading too much into it. Gert is getting married in less than a month, of course she’s nervous.

“Hey there, bride to be.” Karolina greets her old friend with a grin. “Let me guess: you’ve changed your mind and want me to be your maid of honor after all.”

Gert’s laugh seems forced. “C’mon, you know Molly would kill me if I even considered it. She says is her right as a sister.”

“Never thought I’d see Gertrude Yorkes defending nepotism, but okay, I get it.” Karolina jokes, trying to lighten up the mood.

“I know, right?” Gert fidgets with the pepper shaker in her hands, avoiding Karolina’s eyes as she speaks. Something is _definitely_ wrong. “But there is a new development in the wedding department that I thought you should know about…”

“Just say it, Gert.” Karolina says softly. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

“I spoke to Nico last night.” She spits the words all at once, her voice trembling. “She’s coming.”

_Nico._

Karolina feels as if all of the air had suddenly been sucked out of the room, leaving her gasping for breath, and the fact that she is so taken aback by Gert’s words really is a testament to how much she has moved on. Not so long ago Nico would have been literally the first thing on her mind. Now, she hasn’t even heard her name spoken aloud in _ages_.

That name, along with all other Nico-related memories, has been confined to a neat little box pushed as far back as possible inside Karolina’s brain for so long it takes her a long moment to fully process what Gert is saying. _Nico._ _Coming._ Nico is coming to the wedding. Karolina is also coming to the wedding. Both Nico and Karolina are coming to the wedding. The same wedding. Therefore, Karolina and Nico will be at the same place. At the same time. In the very near future.

Gert shakes both her hands in front of Karolina’s face, trying to pull her away from her thoughts. “You look like your brain just short-circuited.”

“How did you even get her number?” She doesn’t even know why she asks that. Out of all of the questions running through her mind, it seems like a fairly unimportant one, but she’s probably not ready to handle anything more just yet.

“Well, Chase’s mom is married to her dad, so… It was not that hard to get.” Gert frowns.

“Right, sure.” Of course it wasn’t hard to get. Karolina herself probably could’ve found it too, if she wanted to. God knows she has thought about it many times in the past. Not lately, though. Not at all. “I had no idea you guys were still in contact.”

“We weren’t, Chase and I just called her last night. Neither of us has seen her in years. She never comes over, not for Easter, not for Thanksgiving, not even for Christmas. She tells Robert she’s spending it with Tina but…”

“She probably tells Tina she’s spending it with Robert.” Karolina completes the sentence without even thinking. It’s annoying, how even after trying so hard not to think about that girl, her subconscious still knows Nico like the back of her hand. Knows how she operates. Knows how she lies. “What happened? Why call her out of the blue like this?”

“We’ve been talking about it for a while, actually. She’s Chase’s step sister. She is - _was -_ one of my best friends, and I know things aren’t exactly the same as they used to be but it just... felt wrong, getting married without her there.”

Seeing Gert talk so fondly about Nico catches Karolina by surprise. She’s so used to thinking about Nico as _her_ past she sometimes forgets that she was important to everybody else as well. “So, how did that phone call go?”

Gert smiles a little. “Well, Chase guilted her with the whole step-sibling thing, and I gave her a whole speech about how, if it wasn’t for that one time in high school when she made us do seven minutes in heaven together, this wedding probably wouldn’t even be happening, so she absolutely _has_ to be there to witness the patriarchal nightmare she put me into… And after about an hour of listening to us ramble in complete silence she just said _okay_ in that dumb Nico tone she uses whenever she doesn’t want to talk about her feelings.”

Karolina knows exactly which tone Gert is talking about, and she catches herself picturing the way Nico’s nose must have scrunched up a little as she spoke, another classic sign of her discomfort when faced with emotional talk. She’s so distracted by the image in her head she barely notices Gert is still talking.

“...And I know this is a lot, specially for you, but I thought that maybe now that you’re doing so well and things with Julie are going great it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. I mean, it’s been like, what, four years?”

_Three and a half_. Not that Karolina’s counting or anything. She nods along quietly.

“Maybe now is the right time to patch things up, you know? I mean, Chase and I miss her, and I  know Molly does too. Even Alex probably does. Don’t you?”

Karolina can’t allow herself to even think about what the answer to that question would be, so she ignores it. “Is she coming just for the ceremony or…?” 

“She’s coming for the Hostel thing, too. She said she’ll be here for the whole week.”

A week. Nico is going to be back for a week. Surely Karolina can handle having Nico around for a single week, can’t she? Definitely. Just seven quick days and then she’ll be gone and everything will fall right back to normal.

(Karolina had never thought her idea of _normal_ would be one that doesn’t include Nico Minoru, but things change).

 

. . .

 

It feels like she’s been in the kitchen for hours, staring silently at her untouched cereal while she waits for Victor to wake up, Gert and Chase’s words still echoing in the back of her head. They’re getting _married._ How crazy is that? Back in high school she practically had to physically smash their heads together to get them to admit their feelings for each other, and now they’re getting married. And, for reasons she will never understand, they want her to be there. And how can she say no to that? They may not be in the greatest terms now, but for most of her life they were like family. 

(But then again, Robert is _literally_ family and Nico skipped his wedding without thinking twice).

(She regrets that now).

Truth is, she misses them, all of them. Gert, Chase, Molly. God, Molly must be what, 19? It’s crazy. Part of her has always selfishly thought that Brentwood would stay exactly as she left it, frozen in time forever. Clearly, that isn’t the case. Gert and Chase are getting married, Molly is probably in college, Alex must be working on some groundbreaking AI technology and Karolina...Nico tries not to think too much about Karolina. She just hopes she’s happy.

As for Nico… she’s okay. It took a long time and an overwhelming amount of effort, but she’s managing, which is why she agreed to coming to this wedding in the first place. Finally, she’s ready to face the ghosts from her past. Or at least she thinks she is. But she definitely can’t do it alone.

“What the fuck, Nico, how long have you been sitting there?” Victor asks groggily as soon as he comes into the kitchen, his eyes barely open and his hair uncharacteristically disheveled.

“A while.” She shrugs. “I couldn’t sleep and I really need to talk to you, so.”

“You could just wake me up, you know.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Nico lets out a breathy laugh. “You’d kill me if I messed with your beauty sleep.”

“Fair point.” He smirks. “So, what do you need me for?”

“How would you feel about an all-expenses paid trip to Cali? My treat.” Nico puts up her best saleswoman attitude, even forcefully attaching a smile to her words like they do on really bad commercials.

Victor is definitely not buying it. “I’d say there’s a catch hidden somewhere… didn’t you, like, grow up in Cali?”

“That might have something to do with the trip, yes.”

He furrows his brow at her impatiently. “Just spit it out, Minoru. I don’t have all day.”

“A couple of old friends from Brentwood called me last night. They’re getting married and… they want me to come, apparently. So I need you to be my plus one. Please.”

“Your old friends, huh?” His voice is still reluctant but his eyes soften immediately. For the billionth time in the last three years Nico feels immensely grateful for having Victor Mancha in her life, even though she definitely doesn’t say that to him as much as she should. Talking about her feelings isn’t her strong suit, but she’s working on it. “I’ll think about it. When exactly would this little trip place?”

“About a month from now. We’d be staying there the whole week.”

“Whoa, a whole week? What kind of wedding is this?”

“It’s not a weeklong wedding, dumbass.” She rolls her eyes at him. “But Gert said that since our friend group has been sort of scrambled around the country for a while, they wanted to give us a chance to _reconnect_ before the ceremony or whatever, so we’re all staying at the Hostel for a week.”

“Weeklong bonding trip? And you agreed to that? You must really miss these people.” Victor raises an eyebrow at her, amused. “Anyway, what’s _the Hostel_?”

“It’s sort of an underground mansion thing on a mountain range near LA. Gert’s parents own it, we used to hang out there a lot when we were teenagers. It’s got a really beautiful view, I get why they chose to get married there.”

(Maybe Nico, too, had once imagined her own wedding taking place in the Hostel).

“Underground mansion, huh?” Victor eyes her teasingly. “Sometimes I forget how absurdly rich you are.”

“You didn’t seem all that bothered by it when I bought us the VR kit for your PS4.”

“ _Ay, cariño_ , no need to call me out like that.”

She really hates it when he calls her _cariño_ , but that’s not really a priority right now.

“So… will you come with me? Please?” She glares at him, pleading. “I need you there, Vic.”

“I don’t know, Nico...I mean, it’s a whole week. The kids…”

Nico already knew he would bring this up. It had been her first concern, too. “I already texted Carol. She says she and the rest of the crew can cover for us for the week. Plus, we’ll have our phones, and as you said, I’m absurdly rich. If anything goes wrong we can be back in New York in 6 hours.“

Victor is still not convinced.

“What about you, Nico? A week is a long time. Are you sure you’re up for it?” In a different time Nico might have been angry at him for questioning her like that, but she understands it now. She knows he’s just genuinely concerned. “Did you speak to Steve about this?”

“Um, yeah. He totally thinks it’s a good idea.” It’s not exactly a lie. Steve has said several times that he wants her to reconnect with her old friends _eventually_ , but he definitely didn’t know she’s planning to do it within a month.

“Okay, then I’ll come. But only because I’m really curious to meet your super rich friends… specially the famous Karolina Dean.”  

Nico’s stomach twists immediately. Maybe she’s already regretting this.  


	2. Day 01

“So, why aren’t we staying at the Hostel with the rest of your friends?” Julie asks as they cuddle in bed, her chin propped up in Karolina’s elbow, her lips pursed in the most adorable little frown. “Wasn’t that supposed to start today?”

“Well, since the Hostel is less than an hour’s drive away, I thought it would be more comfortable to stay here.” Karolina tries to sound as neutral and reasonable as possible. Lying was never really her forté. “We can still go to our classes like we usually do and we’ll swing by the Hostel at night for dinner and stuff like that.”

“Since when do you care so much about missing class?”

“I don’t, I just…” She scrambles for a good excuse. “I thought you liked having me all to yourself.”

“Well, of course I do.” Julie smiles coyly, her hand sliding down Karolina’s side and resting near her waist.  “But I was actually looking forward to getting to know your friends a little better. How did Gert take it when you told her you aren’t coming? She must have been pissed.”

“Nope, she totally got it, actually.” Karolina nearly chokes on her words. 

Gert did not, by any means,  _ totally get it _ . In fact, she gave one of her classic 40-minute-long Yorkes Monologue about how Karolina was single handedly  _ ruining everything _ . She even mentioned the carbon footprint of driving to the Hostel and back everyday in an attempt to guilt her into giving up. Still, Karolina played the Nico card and they were able to reach an agreement: Karolina is going to hang back initially and test the waters, and if things with her ex-girlfriend aren’t completely unbearable she’ll relocate to the hostel midweek.

What Gert doesn’t know is that there is another factor that will definitely contribute to the already overwhelming awkwardness: Julie doesn’t know about Nico yet - and it’s not just that she doesn’t know Nico is coming, she doesn’t even know who Nico is. Karolina has been trying to gather up the courage to tell her for the past three weeks with no success. 

It wasn’t a conscious decision, not telling Julie about Nico. It’s not like Karolina was trying to hide anything, she just didn’t know how to bring it up and frankly she didn’t want to. She and Xavin talked extensively about Nico and it took a huge toll on their relationship. It was kind of cathartic for Karolina at first, specially back then when things were still so fresh, but it must have been no fun for Xavin, listening to their girlfriend go on and on about how she spent her entire life loving a girl who broke her heart. So when Karolina started dating Julie, she decided she’d done enough wallowing in the past and that she would only talk about Nico if it ever came up.

Except one day it did come up, and Karolina had gotten so used to not talking about Nico she chickened out completely. When Julie asked her about her past relationships, she told her all about Xavin, how they met when she was spending a year abroad in Europe and decided it was best to break up when Karolina came home. She never explicitly said Xavin was her first relationship, but she let Julie assume - which is just as bad.

In Karolina’s defense, she genuinely thought it would never be an issue. Her friends  _ never _ talked about Nico, at least not while Karolina or Alex were in the room. She was their group’s version of Voldemort, always up in the air but never directly mentioned. They even replaced whatever framed pictures she was in with newer versions without her. She was erased, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as being reminded of her did. Karolina had made peace with the fact that she would never see Nico again, so what was so wrong about wanting to keep that particularly painful part of her past to herself? It had never even occurred to her that Gert would invite Nico to the wedding, much less that Nico would agree to come. 

“Babe? Are you there?” Julie almost has to physically shake Karolina’s head in order to get her attention. “You kind of spaced out on me.”

Karolina blinks. “Uh, sorry, I… didn’t get much sleep last night.”

(She hasn’t gotten much sleep since Gert asked her to meet for breakfast three weeks ago).

“Poor thing.” Julie caresses her cheek affectionately, looking at Karolina with eyes so attentive and trusting it makes her stomach fill with guilt. “I was just asking you if we’re going over there tonight.”

“No, not tonight. Everyone’s probably jet lagged, I don’t think there’s any plans for today. We’ll swing by tomorrow, though.”

“Okay.” Julie nods, clearly a little disappointed.

Karolina decides it’s now or never. She has to tell her. “Hey, Julie?”

“Yes, love?” Her girlfriend smiles at her expectantly, looking particularly angel-like with her strawberry blonde hair falling carelessly around her face. God, she’s so beautiful. And loving, and kind, and hopeful. She realizes Julie reminds her a little bit of her 17 year old self, and she knows it’s the wrong thing to do but she can’t bring herself to let her, down not right now. 

“How about we go out tonight, just the two of us?”

Julie grins contently. “I’d love that.”

If it’s their last night of normalcy before hurricane Nico arrives, they might as well enjoy it. 

 

. . . 

 

By the time they finally get to the Hostel, they’re both sweaty and exhausted. Their Lyft driver dropped them off about a quarter of a mile away from the actual entrance, and the rest of the path had to be done on foot. Nico realizes she had completely forgotten how hot the LA sun could actually get, specially when you’re wearing all-black. 

They let themselves in through the open entrance and Nico is pleased to find that Gert and Chase have completely redecorated the place, making it look a lot more modern and a lot less like the Hostel from their youth. It makes it a little be easier to bare, not having all of those memories flushing back at once.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal daughter!” 

Nico barely recognizes Gert and she comes over to greet her, the familiar purple hair she knew replaced by a much more sober shade of brown. Still, the fiery spirit in Gert’s eyes thankfully hasn’t changed a bit, and Nico can tell her old friend is still every bit of the unstoppable activist she knew. 

Chase looks just about the same as always, now sporting a scruffy beard to hide his eternal baby face. He wraps her up in a bear hug as soon as he sees her, and she’s not nearly as bothered by the contact as she thought she would be. 

“You’re still just as tiny as remember, maybe even tinier.” He looks to Gert. “Does she look tinier to you?”

Nico shrugs. “Maybe you got bigger.”

Chase is annoyingly pleased at this, opening up his signature goofball grin as he stretched out his arms. “You know what? Maybe I did.”

She turns around to make introductions, but Victor is already shaking Gert’s hand. 

“Hello there  _ mis amigos _ , I’m Victor. Victor Mancha. I’m Nico’s plus one.” 

Nico can’t help but roll her eyes at his smug face and suggestive tone. That boy can’t even introduce himself without seeming flirty. She doesn’t even have to look at Chase to know he’s giving Victor the death stare right now.  

Gert and Chase introduce themselves politely, and Victor’s eyes light up instantly. “Oh, Nico told me about you guys! Gert, you’re the social justice warrior, right?”

She seems a little proud to know Nico has talked about her. “Well, I prefer the term  _ activist _ , but sure, that’s me.”

“Great! We seriously need to talk about your wedding venue accessibility problems.” He rolls up his cargo pants’ left leg to show off his prosthetic - a rather flashy piece of black and silver titanium he made himself using their university’s medical-grade 3D printer. “The Lyft driver can’t get anywhere near this place, we’re on a literal mountain and this bad boy here wasn’t really designed for hiking.” 

“Damn, he’s right!” Gert stares at him in what could only be described as awe. Did he just call her out? Did Gert just enjoy it? “I’ll ask my parents to bring their jeep up here, that way we can get everyone all the way to the entrance with no trouble.” 

“Hey, Vic?” Nico tugs at his jacket, trying to get his attention. “Can you drop our stuff at our room while the rest of us catch up?”

“It’s the second door to the right.” Gert adds, still smiling at her new best friend Victor Mancha.

“Sure thing,  _ cariño _ .” He grabs Nico’s wheel bag from her hand and disappears into the corridor. 

“I  _ love _ him!” Gert exclaims as soon as he’s out of earshot. “Can we keep him?”

Chase looks considerably less pleased. “ _ Cariño,  _ huh?”

Nico rolls her eyes once again. Victor seriously needs to be stopped. “He only calls me that because he knows I hate it.”

“So, are you two, you know…” Gert makes smooch-like noises while Chase uses his hands to mimic two people kissing. Nico feels as if she’s been thrown straight back into 8th grade. Half of her is amazed that these dorks really are old enough to get married and the other half is annoyed at how perfect they are for each other.

“No, we’re not. He’s just my roommate. And my best friend, I guess.”

“Well, you do have a bit of a history with best friends…” Gert starts.

Nico doesn’t even know how to react to that. Thankfully, Chase looks at his fiancée disapprovingly. “Too soon, Gert. Too soon.”

The three of them stare at each other in silence for a second before Gert speaks, her tone quiet and serious. “Just so you know…  _ she’s _ not staying here with us. She says she’ll come over tomorrow for dinner, though.”

Gert doesn’t need to specify who  _ she  _ is, they all know exactly who she’s talking about. Nico thought she would be relieved to find out she still has some time to prepare for what will probably be the most intense moment of her trip, but it turns out all she feels is concern. She knows Karolina would never pass up an opportunity to spend a week hanging out with her friends, and for a moment Nico feels that familiar feeling creeping in again, that dark mix of guilt and self-hatred that silently whispers to her that this is all her fault. She’s been back for all of five seconds and she’s ruined Karolina’s week once again. Hasn’t she hurt her enough? Can’t she just stay the hell away and just let Karolina be happy?

Nico shakes her head to stop the thoughts from continuing, taking deep breaths and counting down from 10 just like Steve told her to. She reminds herself that this is Gert and Chase’s wedding, and they  _ really _ want her to be there. She wants to be there. And Karolina has the right to stay away if that’s what makes her most comfortable, and Nico should respect that. She can’t change what she’s done, but she sure as hell can make sure she will do better from now on. 

Gert and Chase definitely realize something is going on with her, both eyeing her sympathetically, but they give her time to gather herself instead of asking if she’s okay and she’s grateful for that. 

“So, there’s something else I should probably give you a heads up about…”

“Let me guess…She’s bringing over some over-achieving, supermodel-looking girlfriend with her?”

Chase holds back a chuckle. “Yep, pretty much, yeah.”

“Of course she is. I’m happy for her.” Nico is surprised at just how much she means what she says. God knows she could be a annoyingly possessive of Karolina back when they were young - it was hard not to be when everyone within a 10-mile radius instantly fell in love with her girlfriend - but now she’s made peace with it. She’s just glad to know that Karolina is happy and that she loves somebody who loves her just the way she deserves. 

(Maybe deep down Nico is just glad to know she didn’t wipe out Karolina’s light entirely).

“You seem different, tiny one.” Gert dips her head a little bit to look at Nico, scratching her chin and squinting as if she were staring at an unsolved puzzle. 

Nico smirks. “I like to think I’ve matured.”


	3. Day 02

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nico and karolina finally see each other for the first time in years and it's...awkward
> 
> also poor julie

Karolina Dean has thought about how that moment would play out at least a billion times in the past three and a half years, but when it finally comes, it’s nothing like she expected. Sometimes she imagined she’d scream, sometimes she imagined she’d cry, but not once did she think they would just share a loaded look from across the room and then avoid each other altogether, but that’s exactly what they do.

Seeing Nico sitting at the dinner table hits Karolina a lot harder than she’s prepared for. It’s striking how having Nico there doesn’t seem strange and out of place at all, in fact, she’s fitting right in, having what seems to be an amicable conversation with Molly and Gert about Molly’s college struggles as if the past three years and a half year never happened and she’s been there the whole time. Karolina feels like she’s seeing a ghost.

She could probably convince herself she’s watching an old memory from her past rather than the present day reality if it wasn’t for how different Nico looks. She’s wearing a soft-looking black and white striped sweater over a tight pair of black pants that seems to have a lot more zippers than entirely necessary and combat boots, her hair cut just above shoulder-length and falling loosely around her face. It’s still a mostly dark look, but the gothness level of her clothes and makeup has been toned down several notches. She looks older, a lot older than the three and a half years that have passed by, specially around the eyes. The smile she flashes Molly seems tired but genuine, and Karolina can’t help letting her eyes lingers on it for a moment.

(It’s been a long time since she last saw Nico Minoru, but it’s been much longer since the last time she saw her  _ smiling _ ).

Finally, Nico pulls herself away from her conversation and notices Karolina’s staring. Their eyes meet and Nico has that soft bur crushed look she remembers so well from their teenage years. It’s the same look she gave Karolina when they were twelve and she accidentally broke Karolina’s favorite mug, except this time she’s broken a lot more than that and they both know it. 

“Babe, are you okay?” Julie asks, squeezing Karolina’s hand gently. 

Karolina scolds herself as she tears her gaze away from Nico’s. For a moment she completely forgot Julie is standing right beside her. 

“Of course!” She replies a little too eagerly, planting an exaggerated kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. She notices the whole dinner table is staring at her now and realizes that it probably looks like she did it just to spite Nico, which isn’t the case. She’s just trying to set her own head straight. “C’mon babe, let’s sit down.”

She’s thankful to find that her friends have left available the two seats as far away from Nico as possible, so she and Julie settle down there, sitting between the edge of the table and Alex Wilder.

“Karrie, honey? Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Yeah, right.” It hadn’t even crossed Karolina’s mind that Julie doesn’t know anybody at the table except for Gert. She stretches her arm out and points around the table, reciting the names as she goes along. “This is Alex, you already know Gert, that guy over is Chase, this is Gert’s little sister Molly and that…”

She stops as she reaches the complete stranger sitting next to Nico. Was he sitting there the whole time? Karolina didn’t even notice him before, too busy staring at her ex to acknowledge him. 

“Victor Mancha.” He smirks, using his thumb to point to Nico at his side. “I’m her plus one.”

Julie looks to Nico politely, waiting for her to introduce herself. Karolina is sure Nico is just going to leave Julie hanging until she finally speaks, her voice barely audible and her cheeks clearly flushed. “I’m… Nico.”

Thankfully, Karolina’s girlfriend doesn’t seem to notice the awkwardness. “Nice to meet you guys! I’m Julie.”

The table goes painfully silent, everyone’s eyes darting from Karolina to Nico as if one of them is about to explode. Karolina is not entirely sure they’re wrong. 

“So, Nico…” Molly clears her throat. “How was the trip to LA?”

“It was… eventful.” Nico visibly stiffens at this and Karolina feels an old urge to reach out for her, to sooth her. She reminds herself that’s not her place anymore, but her stomach still twists as she watches that guy Victor grab Nico’s hand reassuringly.

“We had a little problem with airport security back in JFK.” He explains.

“A little problem?” Nico seems positively enraged. “Those  _ bastards _ literally asked him to take his prosthesis off!”

“Whoa.” Gert utters incredulously. “There’s gotta be a law against that!”

Victor just nods patiently. “There is, and I told them that and they backed off.”

“They still insisted on testing your leg for explosives like you were some criminal or something.”

“They were just doing their jobs,  _ cariño. _ ”

( _ Cariño _ ??)

She realizes that Nico’s wariness must mean she really cares about this Victor person, and Karolina feels the most inappropriate twinge of jealousy running up her spine. She even lets him call her  _ cariño _ . Nico Minoru.  _ Cariño _ . It’s unbelievable.

“More like being racist, ableist assholes, but okay.” Nico grumbles angirly, and Gert resonates in agreement. 

Karolina knows that side of Nico all too well, that fierce protective streak that had gotten her into trouble so many times in the past. Nico was never really the most approachable person to begin with, but if anyone so much as looked at her friends the wrong way she would bite their head off with no hesitation. It was one of the things Karolina loved about her. Nico used to make her feel so safe, like she would never let anyone hurt her. 

(Ironic, huh?).

 

. . .

 

Nico is not at all shocked to find that Karolina Dean is still the most beautiful girl in the world. She looks almost exactly as Nico remembers her: blonde hair tied back into a braid and ocean eyes big and bright, wearing a light blue sundress underneath a thin white cardigan. If warmth was a person, it would look like Karolina. Hell, even her fake smile is stunning. 

Karolina’s girlfriend Julie is not too shabby herself. Nico shamelessly looks for reasons to hate her, but can’t find a single one, she’s been nothing but sweet and polite ever since they arrived. Nico definitely wouldn’t be able to meet her girlfriend’s ex with such grace. 

They try to dine with as much normalcy as possible considering they’re in an unavoidably awkward situation, and things go well for the most part. Nico can tell Karolina is uncomfortable and she wishes there was something she could do to make it better. It all feels so strange. For most of their lives they were inseparable, and now they can’t even address each other directly. Not knowing how to act around Karolina, Nico decides it’s easier to avoid her altogether, focusing on catching up with her old friends. 

Molly seems to be doing great at college, she managed to get a spot on Oklahoma City University’s dance program and she has just moved there a few months ago. Nico is still having trouble processing the fact that Molly is now an adult, even though she has always been their little group’s most mature member. She imagines it’s tough for Gert, not having her sister around anymore. Nico remembers how hard it was for her when Amy left for Princeton.

(Specially considering Amy never came back).

Chase tells Nico all about how he was devastated he didn’t get into Caltech and had to move away to go his second choice, and Nico rolls her eyes at him when he mentions that this  _ second choice _ happens to be Stanford. He and Gert have been dating long distance for nearly 4 years now and he’s close to finishing his degree in Mechanical Engineering, excited to move back to LA as soon as he graduates. 

Gert goes on and on about how much she  _ adores _ the UCLA Political Science program. She has recently taken up an internship at one of her professor’s political campaign, and she’s completely overworked but loving every minute of it, knowing that she can help bring real change into the county. Gert mentions that said professor is a queer woman of color at least five times. 

Alex is quiet for most of their conversation, listening attentively but not really participating in any meaningful way. Nico wonders if that’s her fault, too. Karolina isn’t the only person at the table she has hurt. 

“Hey, Alex.” She starts, trying to not sound as nervous as she is. “What about you? What have you been up to?”

He shoots her a strange look, clearly surprised she’s even talking to him in the first place. She feels herself getting tense but he smiles politely shortly after. At the very least he doesn’t seem to hate her. “I’ve been studying Computer Engineering in MIT, and it’s just as awesome as I thought it would be. We had some good hardware back in Atlas Academy, but their stuff is just unbelievable.”

“Hey, Wilder.” Chase interjects, and Nico has a feeling he’s not going to ask about microprocessors. “Did you finally get that cute girl to date you?”

Alex tries to conceal a smirk. “Her name is Livvie and yeah, I did. We’ve been going out for a few months now.”

“Why isn’t she here, then?” Molly asks immediately. “We need to know if we like her or not. No one’s allowed to join our group without approval.”

He shrugs. “I invited her, but she couldn’t afford to miss class for a whole week.” 

“Hey, Molly?” Victor chimes in. “Do I get approval?”

“ _ Claro _ !” She replies excitedly.

“Please feel free to bring Victor over more often.” Gert adds, and Nico is actually glad to know they’re expecting her to start visiting them recurringly. She’d like that.

She catches Chase rolling his eyes and can’t help but laugh. She missed this. Missed  _ them _ .

“How about you, babe?” Julie nudges Karolina. “You’re being so quiet...Aren’t you gonna tell Nico what you’ve been up to?”

Julie doesn’t seem ill-intended, but her words still make everyone at the table exchange awkward glances. Karolina’s cheeks are so flushed she looks like a particularly ripe tomato. Nico knows she probably doesn’t look too different.

“Uhm, sure I…” She keeps her eyes on her plate as she speaks, her voice trembling. “I’ve been going to USC for a while now, and I finally declared my major - it’s in environmental studies, by the way. Also, I moved out of my mom’s place so I have my own apartment near campus now, it’s pretty cool.”

“I must mention that she has not yet invited me over to said apartment even though we live in the same town and I’m a little offended.” Gert scoffs. 

“And I will  _ definitely  _ make that up to you, promise…” Karolina’s voice drifts off and she directs her gaze at Nico, still looking nervous. “What about you, Nico? What’s happening in your life?”

To an oblivious bystander it might seem like Karolina is just making small talk, but it’s the first time she speaks to her directly and Nico knows it’s such a loaded question. Nico wants to tell her everything, every little excruciating detail of what the past three and a half years have been like. She wants Karolina to know about university, about the kids, about Carol and Steve… But she’s scared. Suddenly it all feels too intimate to be shared from across a table full of people - even if those people were once her closest friends. 

“NYU. Social Work.” It’s all she manages to squeeze out. 

Nico prepares herself for a disappointed look in Karolina’s eyes but all she does is nod slowly, her expression completely unreadable. 

Thankfully, even though clearly no one’s satisfied with her 3-word answer, none of her friends press her any further. They know her well enough not to. 

“Do you go to NYU as well, Victor?” Molly asks. 

“Yeah, I do, I met Nico in freshman year.” Victor seems happy to be included in the conversation. Talking about himself is his specialty. “I’m majoring in Robotics, it’s pretty cool. Also, Nico and I have just finally left dorm life behind and rented a place, so that’s kind of exciting even though we have virtually no furniture.”

“We do have a VR kit, though. Priorities, you know.” Nico adds. 

(Karolina doesn’t so much as glance in her direction for the rest of the evening).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, if you're enjoying the story so far let me know in the comments or via twitter/tumblr @oswinyoswaldy, feedback is much appreciated!
> 
> also i've actually just finished writing chapter 8 out of the 10 i have planned for this story and brace yourselves bc it's gonna get aaaangsty and then it's gonna get sweet


	4. Day 03

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pouring tequila on top of your buried feelings sure sounds like a great idea!! also wtf has nico been up to in new york?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> victor's characterization is mostly based on rowell's comics because i hadn't really read the previous ones when i started writing this fic (i'm halfway through vol 2 currently), so if he seems off to you that might be why

When Julie tells her she won’t be able to come along to the Hostel tonight, Karolina desperately wants to cancel. It turns out that having at least one person at the table who doesn’t know about Karolina and Nico’s history is the only thing keeping Karolina from spontaneously combusting. Without Julie it will be just Karolina, the four people who witnessed her life fall apart the the girl who caused it. Oh, and the girl’s charming new boyfriend.

Still, Gert insists, and it is her wedding so Karolina decides she can pull it together for a single night. Besides, tonight they’re doing drinks, and she could _really_ use some alcohol. Also, Julie would definitely think it’s weird if she didn’t come, and she is still not ready to provide any explanations. She knows it’s wrong but she likes having Julie in the dark. It’s nice to have at least one pair of eyes that’s not looking at her with pity.

(Except for Nico, who mostly doesn’t look at her at all).

Most of the night goes by uneventfully. Gert makes margaritas. Everyone’s minds are blown whenever Molly drinks or says something _too adult_ and she constantly has to remind them that she’s literally in college now. Nico’s boyfriend Victor apparently doesn’t drink, so he hangs out with them for the first couple of hours while sipping on club soda and then disappears into their room to get some sleep, Nico following shortly after. Karolina knows that she should feel more comfortable without them around, but it only makes it worse.

Chase eventually passes out on the couch - he was never very good at holding his liquor - and Alex volunteers to help carry him up to his room, leaving only Karolina, Molly and Gert. She can tell they’re about to start up some depressing _girl talk_ and ask about how she’s _holding up_ and she’s really not in the mood.

She excuses herself, telling everyone she’s going to the bathroom - tequila bottle still in hand - but her stupid drunken feet betray her and she finds herself approaching Nico’s room. She silently tells her feet that this is a bad idea, that Nico and Victor are probably having sex or something and she should get back _right now_ , but it turns out it’s too late. The door to the room is open and only Victor is inside, eyeing her like he was already expecting her in the first place.

“She’s not here.” He guesses exactly what Karolina is thinking. “I think she went for a walk or something.”

“Uh, sorry.” She regains control of herself, finally. “Wrong room, I… I was looking for the bathroom.”

He ignores her sorry attempt at a lie. “Do you want to come in?”

_She doesn’t. She shouldn’t. She should be getting right back to her friends._

Instead, Karolina takes a seat on an empty chair near the bed. She has been to the Hostel more times than she can possibly count but she doesn’t think she’s ever been inside this room before. When they used to come there together it was usually designated to Alex. Karolina usually stayed in the second floor, on a room that used to be reserved for her and Nico. She guesses that one is probably empty now. Everyone treats it like it’s haunted.

“I have the feeling you want to ask me something.” Victor breaks the silence between them. “Go ahead.”

“She seems like she’s doing okay.” Karolina states, aware that she should probably just stay quiet, but unable to. “Was she already this okay when you met her?”

He shakes his head slowly. “No. She definitely wasn’t okay when we met, no.”

“You helped her.” It’s not a question. Karolina knows it’s true.

“I like to think that I did, yeah. She did most of the work, though.”

Karolina just nods silently, trying to process that information.

“She and I are not actually together, you know.” He tells her even though she definitely wasn’t planning on asking about _that_. “You can stop giving me that death stare.”

Karolina realizes, to her own surprise, that knowing this doesn’t change much. Whether or not Nico and Victor are dating isn’t really that relevant. It’s not what bothers her.

(Well, it does bother her, but it’s not what bothers her _the most_ ).

“You do love her, though.” Is all she says, keeping her gaze on the open doorway and away from Victor.

“Not like that.”

“Oh, c’mon. I see you. You’ve got the _hopelessly in love with Nico Minoru_ look all over your face.” She rolls her eyes at him. She probably shouldn’t continue, but her tongue is loosened by the alcohol. “Trust me, I know that look. I basically invented it.”

“That might be true.” He doesn't seem at all offended or defensive. In fact he carries himself with such calm and patience it kind of makes Karolina want to tell him all of the things she couldn’t even admit to herself. She takes large gulp of tequila, hoping she’ll pass out soon instead of having to go through this. “We’re still just friends, though.”

“You don’t get it.” She retorts. “It doesn’t matter if you guys are friends or more than that, it’s just…This whole time, I - _we_ \- were all worried about her. She just disappeared, moved all the way across the country and stopped answering everyone’s calls. She was a _wreck_ back then. I was terrified she was in a ditch somewhere spending all of her parents’ money on heroin, but it turns out she was just with you. She was with you this whole time and none of us got so much as a text.”

Victor raises his eyebrow as if he has just found the missing piece to his puzzle. “You’re angry at her.”

“Fuck you.” She hisses. Karolina Dean is not a violent person. In fact, she’s probably the least violent person she knows, she barely even curses. And maybe it’s the alcohol, but when smug son of a bitch Victor Mancha suggests that she is _angry_ at Nico for being okay makes her want to punch him in the guts. She doesn’t do it, but she seriously wants to. “I have loved her my _entire_ life, even after everything that’s happened I’m _happy_ she’s doing good.”

He remains unaffected. “You can be glad she’s okay and be angry at her at the same time, you know.”

Victor is right and it shatters her. Suddenly she’s sobbing, all of the things she’s been bottling up for the past three and a half years bursting right out. “I tried _everything_ after Amy died, Victor. I loved her with all my heart and she was hurting so much and I wanted to be there for her - I _was_ there for her, but it only seemed to make it worse. All she did was push me away. I don’t get it. Why you? What’s so special about you? How the hell did you get through to her when I couldn’t?”

Thankfully, Victor doesn’t try to soothe her, still sitting in place, watching her attentively. “Shouldn’t you be asking _her_ that?”

“How?!” She’s screaming now, too drunk to care if someone will hear. “She won’t even look at me! I asked her the simplest, dumbest question yesterday and she gave me a three-word answer!”

“I’m sorry about that.” It’s not Victor who answers. Karolina turns around to see Nico standing at the doorway, her watery eyes fixed on the floor beneath her. Shit. How long has she been there?

 

. . .

 

Nico remembers Karolina as a soft kind of drunk. The kind of drunk that cuddles a little too much, speaks a little too closely to people and thinks everyday things are absolutely hilarious.  She was not the crying kind of drunk (like Gert was), nor the disobedient kind of drunk (like Gert also was). Clearly, over the course of the past few years, things have changed.

“I should go home.” She stands nonchalantly, a nearly finished bottle of tequila in her hands. “Have any of you seen my keys?”

Nico blocks the entryway. “You’re drunk.”

“So? My apartment isn’t that far away.”

“You can’t drive while you’re drunk, Karolina. It’s dangerous and also illegal.”

“Fine.” Karolina rolls her eyes. “I’ll just get a Lyft, then.”

Nico sighs. “I don’t think getting a Lyft at 3 A.M. while we’re literally in the middle of nowhere is the best idea, either.”

“What the _fuck_ do you want me to do then, Nico? I can’t stay here, I have class.”

Nico winces at this, her whole body physically retreating at the anger in Karolina’s voice. Nico is more than used to dealing with mean drunks - she’s gathered plenty of experience in the past three years - but this feels different. In the 22 years they’ve known each other, Karolina had _never_ snapped at Nico like that. Not even when she deserved it. Nico wants to crawl up into a ball and cry, but now is not the time. “Call Julie. Maybe she can come get you.”

Karolina stills seems to be fuming with rage, but she does what she’s told, grabbing her phone from her pocket and pressing it to her ear, her voice forcefully softer as she speaks. “Hey, Juls? I’m sorry to wake you, it’s just...I might have had too much tequila. Can you pick me up? Thanks, babe! Love you.”

Nico just stands there, not knowing what to do with herself. It’s a simple 30-second phone call but she feels like she’s intruding. “Do you want a glass of water or something?”

The look Karolina gives her burns through her skin. “For god’s sake Nico just _go away_.”

( _Ouch)._

“Hey, Nico.” Victor interjects. She almost forgot he’s still in the room. “Maybe you should wait outside, I’ll keep her company until Julie gets here. Would that be okay with you, Karolina?”

“Fine.” Karolina nods reluctantly.

Nico’s head hangs low as she leaves the room, and she’s glad to find that everyone has already gone to sleep as she reaches the parlor. She lets herself drop to one of the couches, burying her face deeply in its cushions. She sobs as quietly as possible, afraid she’ll wake someone.

She knows that Karolina has the right to tell her to go away. In fact, considering all that she’s done, it wouldn’t be surprising if Karolina asked her to leave the Hostel altogether, to disappear from Brentwood and never come back. Nico knows what Steve would say: she can’t fix the past but she can do better in the present, and that maybe the best thing she can do for Karolina now is stay away from her. He would tell her that this doesn’t mean Nico is a horrible person, she’s just a regular person who did bad things she can’t take back, and even if she can’t repair the relationships she has broken she can still make new ones and be better for those. She still deserves to be happy. Nico knows all that, she just wishes it didn’t hurt so much.

Nico does her best to let go of the guilt and the anger and the self-hatred, leaving just the sadness. Steve always says that sadness is okay, that sadness would help her heal and stay in the right track, so she lets herself be sad. She cries and cries and cries and, when she’s finally tired of crying, she gets up from the couch and grabs herself a glass of water. She wishes Steve could see her right now. She’s even staying hydrated.

She texts Carol for the first time since they got here, knowing it would be around 6 A.M. in New York so she would probably be waking up by now. Carol replies almost immediately, scolding Nico for being up so late but reassuring her that things have been fine during her and Victor’s absence. She finishes her text with _“we all miss you!”_ and Nico feels her heart warming up again. Whatever happens, she knows she’s going to be fine.

It feels like hours have passed when she’s startled by noises coming from the main Hostel entrance. Julie greets her warmly, looking tired but not at all angry. “Hey there, Nico! Did Karolina give you guys any trouble?”

Nico shakes her head. “Uh, no, or course not. She’s just… a little upset.”

Julie laughs. “She can be a real mean drunk, can’t she?”

(It’s the first time in Nico’s entire life that someone told her something about Karolina that she didn’t already know).

“Yeah… She’s in my room with Victor, it’s the second door to the right.”

“Cool! I’ll go get her.” She smiles politely. “Also, thank you guys for taking care of her. You must be a really good friend.”

“What?” Nico nearly chokes on her water. This girl must be some sort of angel. “I mean... thank _you_ , for being so understanding. You’ve been nothing but nice to me since I got here, I really appreciate that. I’m glad Karolina has you on her corner. Most people wouldn’t be so cool given our...you know, our _history_.”

The strangest look crosses Julie’s face as she listens, but it’s gone in less than a second so Nico tells herself she probably just imagined it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, please let me know what you think in the comments or @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr!  
> this chapter is so rough on both my babies and i wish i could say the next one will be easier for them but it won't ://


	5. Day 04

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> julie confronts karolina, nico owns up to her past

Karolina wakes up on her own bed at 12:30, feeling as if her head is about to explode. Memories from last night come in flashes. Chase passing out. Talking to Victor. Screaming at Nico.

_ Screaming at Nico.  _

She wishes she could go back in time and snatch that bottle of tequila away from her hands before everything got so messed up. As if things weren’t going terribly enough already, she reaches for her phone and finds a text from Julie saying “ _ we need to talk, see u tonight. _ ” and she knows Julie well enough to tell she’s probably pissed. If she weren’t, there would be no period and at least two emojis. 

The rest of the day goes by too slowly. She can’t gather herself enough to actually go to class, so she orders food from a nearby vegan restaurant and hangs out in her apartment, watching Netflix and trying not to think about Nico or Julie or Victor or anybody else for that matter. She texts Gert to let her know she’s definitely not showing up at the Hostel tonight and her friend doesn’t even protest, probably too hungover to care anyway. 

It’s already dark when Julie finally comes, and the look she shoots Karolina as she walks through the doorway is cold as ice.  _ Shit _ .

“So…” She starts, not even trying to disguise the bitterness in her tone. “You and Nico, huh?”

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. _

Karolina scrambles for a response, but Julie apparently isn’t done talking yet. “You know, I could tell something was up. Everyone was acting so weird,  _ you _ were acting so weird. But I told myself it was nothing, because if something really was up Karolina would tell me, right?”

“I’m sorry.” She spits out before Julie can continue. “I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to keep it from you, it’s just that it never came up…”

“It never came up?” Julie shouts. “First of all, I thought we had the exes conversation months ago, and second, we literally had dinner with her two days ago and everyone was looking at you guys like someone died! Didn’t you think that maybe it would be nice to give me a heads up that you guys used to date?”

“Someone did die.” It’s probably not the best response, but Karolina can’t stop herself.

This seems to calm Julie a little. She takes a seat at a nearby chair, eyes still piercingly fixed on Karolina. “Tell me. Tell me everything. Start from the beginning.”

Karolina can’t think of anything worse than being forced to tell her current girlfriend the heart-shattering love story of Karolina Dean and Nico Minoru. This can’t possibly end well, but she guesses she has no other choice. 

“Okay, so me, Gert, Molly, Chase, Alex and Nico have all known each other pretty much since birth. Our parents run this charity organization thing called Pride and they’re super close so we were all forced to hang out together at least once a month our entire lives. We went to the same school, we were always at the same events…”

“Get to the point, Karolina.” Julie interrupts coldly. Karolina supposes that’s fair, those details aren’t that relevant, she really is trying to postpone the inevitable. 

“We were best friends, Nico and I. We were always completely different people but it kind of worked, I guess. As we grew up our friendship became… more than friendly. We started dating when we were 15. We were each other’s first loves, and it was beautiful and sweet and wonderful until it wasn’t. We were almost 18 when things started falling apart.”

“You were together for  _ three years _ and you said nothing about it to me?” Her girlfriend asks incredulously. “Anyway, continue.” 

(It feels like a lot more than that considering Karolina realized she loved Nico when she was 6, but she decides it’s best to leave that detail out).

“We were close to graduating from high school. Nico’s big sister Amy was a year older, so she was already on her first year at college. One night, Nico and I were at her place studying for our finals when we heard her mother screaming from the other room. We ran over there to see what happened and it turned out she had just gotten a call from a hospital in New Jersey. Amy killed herself.”

Julie’s eyes soften immediately, but she still watches Karolina quietly, waiting for her to continue. 

“She didn’t leave a note, so we still don’t really know why. It was… hard. On all of us, I mean, she was part of the group too, but, as you can imagine, it was especially hard on Nico. She blamed herself a lot, I guess. She kept thinking that maybe if she were paying more attention she could have prevented it, and the guilt started eating away at her. She was explosive and combative and would literally bite your head off if you tried to talk to her. She pushed everybody away, including me.”

Karolina rubs her eyes and feels her fingers soak in tears. She’s crying and she didn’t even notice until now. 

“I wouldn’t leave, of course. She was my best friend and the love of my life, I wasn’t going to walk away when she was hurting like that. So I stayed… and it was awful. She was never as harsh with me as she was with everyone else, but it still hurt. She would break up with me  _ every single day _ and I would always talk her out of it, try to get her to see that she was only doing this because she was in pain. We’d end the night with her sobbing into my chest and wake up the next morning with her telling me to go away. It was absurdly unhealthy and I was miserable, but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“What ended it?” Julie seems almost sympathetic now, but her voice is still neutral. “What made you leave?”

(This is the part Karolina hates the most).

“One night, I think it was around three months after Amy died. Four maybe? I don’t know. I could barely keep track of time back then. Anyway, we were all staying at the Hostel again for the first time since it happened. We wanted to do a memorial thing, it was all Gert’s idea. Nico didn’t want to come, but we insisted. We were all sad and drunk and at some point I walk into  _ our _ room and I find her on top of Alex Wilder.”

Karolina can still see it vividly. She remembers every little detail. The way her lipstick was smudged. The way Alex’ hair was disheveled and his shirt was untucked. The way Nico looked at her like she already expected Karolina to be there in the first place. She knows she doesn’t need to keep going, but she does it anway. 

“It wasn’t the cheating part of it that hurt the most, you know? I mean, as I said, she broke up with me pretty much every day, so I’m not even sure if it counts as cheating. What  _ really _ hurt was that it was our room. She knew I was going to walk in. She  _ wanted  _ me to. It wasn’t some stupid drunk accident, it was a deliberate attempt to hurt me. And it worked. So I went home sobbing and I begged my mom to let me spend a year abroad. I flew to Paris the next day. When I came back she was long gone.”

“Wow.” Julie breathes out. “That’s… that’s a lot.”

“I know.” Karolina tries to dry out her tears, but they just keep coming.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” This time it sounds like a genuine question rather than an accusatory jab. 

“It was too painful, I guess. Xavin knew, and it only made things between us worse. They kept thinking I still had feelings for Nico, even though I hadn’t seen or spoken to Nico ever since the Alex incident.”

“You don’t need to see someone to have feelings for them.” Julie states quietly. “And I get that it was painful, but when you’re in a relationship you’re kind of expected to share the painful things with your partner too.”

“Julie, I’m really sorry.” 

“I know you are.”  Her eyes finally meet Karolina’s, and they don’t seem angry anymore. They just seem sad. “But I still feel like I don’t even know you anymore, Karrie. You’ve been hiding such a huge part of your history from me this whole time.”

“Of course you know me! I’m still the exact same person you’ve known for months now.”  Karolina pleads. “I know I should’ve told you about Nico sooner but that doesn’t even matter anymore. It was ages ago, I’ve moved on!”

“No, you haven’t. You’re just pretending it never happened. If you had actually moved on, you wouldn’t have kept this from me.”

Karolina is running out of things to say. “I’m not in love with her anymore, Julie.”

“Honestly, I don’t think you know that for sure. I think you’ve been bottling up all of these things inside you for so long you don’t even know how the hell you feel about anything. Whatever it is, deal with it. And if you’re ever ready to  _ actually  _ move on, call me. Until then, Karrie, I think you and I are done.”

 

. . . 

 

Nico feels the weirdest mix of disappointment and relief when Gert lets her know that Karolina is hungover and won’t be coming tonight. Having Karolina scream at her was painful, but at the same time… somehow better than not seeing Karolina at all. Nico had always known she misses Karolina, but she has only just found out how much. Still, she reminds herself that Karolina has the right to stay away and that she must respect that. She just hopes she’s okay. When Nico walked into that room the night before, she looked anything but okay. Nico tried to get Victor to tell her what they were talking about, but he wouldn’t budge. Stupid Victor. Isn’t he supposed to be  _ Nico _ ’s friend?

Anyway, the bright side to not having Karolina around is that it allows Nico to gather the willpower to do something she’s been meaning to do since they arrived. Everyone is still recovering from the past night of drinks, so they wake up late and spend most of the day playing board games while Molly makes angry phone calls to caterers, making sure everything would be perfect for the upcoming rehearsal dinner and wedding. Nico leaves Victor and Gert on a heated discussion over the correct definition of cultural appropriation and climbs up the stairs to find Alex’ room.

He’s laying on his bed casually, his gigantic computer spread over his lap, his eyes so focused on the screen it takes him a moment to notice Nico coming in. “Hey… what are you doing here?”

Straight to the point, as usual. It’s nice to know Alex hasn’t changed. “Is it okay if we talk?”

Alex sits up, resting his computer by his side on the bed and looking at Nico attentively, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Uh...okay. What’s up?”

This is not at all easy for Nico. Even after three years of working on it extensively, talking about feelings and relationships still does not come naturally to her. In the past this would probably be the time when she backs down and says it’s nothing, and right now that’s exactly what she wants to do, but she doesn’t. 

(Maybe that’s growth).

“I, uh...I never really apologized. For last time.” It’s not much, but it’s all she manages and it gets the point across. 

He knows exactly what she’s talking about. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Nico. We were both drunk and in a really bad place, so…”

It would be so easy to just leave it at that but Nico knows it wouldn’t be right.

“Still, that’s no excuse. I knew you had feelings for me back then and I took advantage of that. It was a huge asshole move, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put you in that position.” 

“Wow, you really have changed, haven’t you?” Alex gives her the softest grin and she feels a billion pounds lighter already. “I accept your apology, Nico. And I’m glad to see you doing so well. Maybe this time you can keep in touch after you leave, huh?”

Nico nods, “I would like that, actually.”

They stare at each other in silence for a moment before Alex decides to speak again. “You know… I’m definitely not the person you hurt the most that night.”

(Of course she knows). 

“Are you going to apologize to her too?” His tone is incisive, but not pressuring. 

“I… I want to.” Nico breathes out, letting herself fall onto the side of his bed. Even after all that’s happened this is  _ Alex. _ The two of them were always close, and now that they’ve worked things out it feels so much easier to talk to him. “But I don’t know if I should, I mean, I’ve caused her so much pain already… maybe now that she has moved on it’s best to just leave her alone and not bring it all up again, you know?”

Alex rolls his eyes at Nico like that’s the stupidest thing he has ever heard. Gotta love Alex Wilder, always brutally honest. “Karolina acts like what happened doesn’t affect her anymore but anybody who’s paying at least a little bit of attention can tell it’s such a bullshit act. She pretty much lives her life avoiding anything that could possibly remind her of you. She refuses to go to Timely’s, she won’t leave her house on Halloween, she literally turns away if she sees a Harry Potter reference and she doesn’t even celebrate her own birthday anymore! Maybe if you guys talk she’ll get enough closure to at least acknowledge that you existed.”

It’s painful, hearing of all of the things Karolina had to give up, all of the things that Nico’s memory has tainted. She knew she broke Karolina’s heart, but she had always hoped that the girl would still see the positive side in things, in true Karolina fashion. She hoped Karolina would replace their sad memories with newer happy ones without Nico. Had she known what kind of damage her actions would cause, maybe she would have done things differently. But then again, that’s just one more item in the gigantic list of things Nico wishes she could take back. 

Alex notices the effect his words have on Nico. “You still love her, don’t you?”

There are tears rolling down her cheeks, but still Nico lets out a breathy laugh. “Of course I do. It’s Karolina. I’ll never  _ not _ love her, it’s impossible.”

He shrugs. “Maybe she feels the same way about you.”

(For Karolina’s sake, Nico really hopes that’s not true).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter explained a lot of things, but mostly through karolina's perspective. do you guys think that what nico did is unforgivable? i genuinely want to know!
> 
> as usual, feedback in general is always appreciated via comments or @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr! i have actually already finished writing this story, so updates will probably come more often from now on


	6. Day 05

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a long-awaited, emotionally heavy conversation finally happens

It takes a whole day’s worth of crying for Karolina to decide that she has already shed enough tears because of Nico Minoru and she won’t be shedding any more. 

(Watching Julie leave was hard. Knowing she was right to leave was even harder).

So she grabs her car, puts on Kelly Clarkson’s  _ Stronger _ with the volume turned up to the maximum and heads for the Hostel, thinking up all of the things she wants to scream as she drives. 

_ Fuck you for breaking my heart in such a cruel way after all I did was try to be there for you. _

_ Fuck you for disappearing from everyone’s lives and making me worry that you were in danger.  _

_ Fuck you for all of the nightmares I had in which you were dead.  _

_ Fuck you for the people I tried to love, but couldn’t.  _

_ Fuck you for turning nearly all of my childhood memories into painful reminders of your absence.  _

_ Fuck you for being okay the whole time and not telling me.  _

She storms into the Hostel nonchalantly, passing through where Gert and the rest of her friends were hanging out without so much as a greeting, heading straight for Nico’s room. She feels the accumulated rage burning in her veins, finally ready to burst out after all this time. She nearly shoves the door open when she reaches it, she’s about to explode.

Everything changes the second she sees Nico. The girl is sitting on an armchair across from the doorway, her feet propped up on the empty bed in front of her. She has an open book in her hands but she’s staring at Karolina now, her eyes seem gloomy but there’s the smallest grin on her lips. She looks sad, but also somewhat hopeful. It tears through Karolina’s rage as if it were made of paper. 

Truth is, even though all of those  _ fuck you _ ’s running around on Karolina’s mind are still valid, she can’t do it. She can’t snap at Nico like that. Maybe a couple of days ago when she was drunk and confused she could, but not right now. Now she’s staring at Nico’s face and her brain is sober enough to remember all of the good things she has associated to that face throughout her whole life. 

It’s Nico. 

Nico who taught her how to ride a bike when they were 8. 

Nico who wouldn’t let go of her hand whenever they were watching scary movies. 

Nico who was once sent to detention for lashing out at a boy three times her size because he was bullying Karolina. 

Nico who was her best friend and also so much more than that. 

Nico who held her, who kissed her, who loved her for so many years before everything fell apart. 

Nico who went through so much and finally found the strength to pull herself together. 

(She may not be  _ in love _ with Nico anymore, but Karolina loves Nico. It doesn’t matter that they have spent three years apart, it wouldn’t matter if it had been thirty. She will  _ always _ love Nico).

(It’s what makes all of this so hard).

“I’m angry at you.” She breathes out after a long moment, but she doesn’t even  _ sound _ angry anymore. She feels tears rolling down her cheeks. So much for not crying anymore. 

“You definitely have good reasons to be angry at me.” Nico nods slowly, hurt but understanding. 

“Also Julie broke up with me.” 

This gets more of a reaction out of Nico, she sits upright, eyes widening instantly. “Because of me? God, Karolina, I…”

“It’s not your fault.” It’s hard for Karolina to admit this, but she knows it’s true. “I messed that one up all on my own… I didn’t tell her about you. About  _ us _ .”

Nico furrows her brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I may have let her believe you and I are just some old friends who lost touch or something.” Karolina feels her cheeks heating up. She’s not proud of it. 

“Well…” Nico’s eyes avoid hers, darting to the carpet, but she smiles timidly. “That’s a bit of an understatement, huh?”

Karolina lets out a quick, breathy laugh. “Tell me about it.”

“Do you want to sit?” Nico gestures to the empty bed in front of her and Karolina nods, settling onto the side furthest away from the other girl. 

The atmosphere between them is heavy with awkwardness. They know each other better than anyone else in the world, but they haven't been alone in the same room in three and a half years. It’s like they don’t know how to act around each other anymore, like they’re not sure how far they’re allowed to go.

Nico clears her throat, breaking their loud silence. “So… are you okay? With the whole Julie thing?” 

“I don’t even know.” She chuckles, and it’s more bitter than she thought it would be.  “That’s sort of the whole point. I’ve been bottling up so many things for so long I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore.”

“But you know that you’re angry at me.” Nico’s tone is calm. It’s a statement, not an accusation. She looks expectantly at Karolina, waiting for her to continue.

“Yeah, I do.” She breathes out. “I think this whole time you’ve been gone I was so worried about you I never really let myself be angry. I was sad, but I was never angry.”

“...and now you’re not worried anymore.” Nico completes, still looking perfectly at ease. “You can be angry now, Karolina. It’s okay, I promise you I can take it.”

Karolina believes her. It’s insane, how different Nico seems from the girl from three and a half years ago. That Nico was in pieces. This Nico…  She’s not like anyone Karolina has ever met. She has a kind of sadness to her, a kind of melancholy that lingers around even when she smiles, but she’s steady. She’s strong. Karolina wants to understand, wants to know everything that happened in those years that made her like this. But she’s gotta know something first.

(Even if it breaks her heart all over again).

“That night… with Alex…” She feels as if she has to physically rip off every word from beneath her skin. “Why did you do it, Nico?”

Karolina watches as the pain strikes through Nico’s composed posture for a second, but she takes deep breaths and recovers quickly, eyes forcefully fixed on Karolina even though it’s clear that they would rather be anywhere else. 

“Karolina, I… I was in a really dark place, after what happened to Amy. You and I… we were so  _ happy,  _ and it made me feel so guilty. I was so busy with my own happiness I didn’t notice my own sister was falling apart. I never blamed you,  _ I could never blame you,  _ but I blamed myself, and being around you made me feel like I was betraying Amy’s memory. How could I let myself be happy knowing that Amy was dead because of me? I didn’t want to be happy back then, I didn’t think I deserved it, so I pushed you away. I pushed and I pushed and that night I pushed hard enough to make you go.”

“I already know all that, Nico.” Karolina wants to burst in frustration, realizing that Nico did not get the point  _ at all _ . “I  _ know _ you felt guilty, I  _ know _ you were trying to push me away, all of those things I understand, I even expected them from you. But I  _ never _ \- not once, not even when you were at your worst - thought you’d deliberately hurt me. My whole life you’ve been protecting me, Nico. Whenever I was with you I felt  _ so goddamn safe _ , I trusted you completely. I knew you wanted to push me away but I never thought you’d cross that line, but you did. Why did you do it, Nico?”

Her question completely breaks through Nico’s façade. She stands up from her chair and raises her hands up to her temples, rubbing them nervously through her hair, her face scrunched up in pain. She looks like she’s about to scream or break something, but she doesn’t. Instead, she takes deep breaths and sits back down, crying quietly but still forcing herself to look at Karolina. 

“I guess in a completely messed up way I thought I was still protecting you.” Her voice is barely a whisper, but she keeps it steady and does not stop. “Punishing myself wasn’t the only reason I pushed you away. I was  _ killing _ you, Kar. Day by day, I was sucking away all of your light, everything that makes you  _ you _ . You were miserable, but you loved me so much you wouldn’t leave. No matter how much I tried you just wouldn’t leave and it was eating you away. And that night… That was the night I found out about my dad’s affair. My mom texted me, told me she was leaving him. I didn’t think there was anything my dad could to to make my mom leave him, but that did. So I guess… I figured I’d try it, too.”

Karolina can’t bring herself to hold Nico’s gaze anymore, letting her own eyes fall to the bed beneath her, watching her tears fall onto the fabric and leave tiny little dark stains. 

“I’m not trying to excuse myself, Kar.” Nico gulps down a sob. “I’m not trying to say it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t. It was the most fucked up thing I have ever done in my life, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. If could go back in time and do it all differently, I would, but I can’t. All I can do is tell you that I’m sorry, Karolina. I’m really, really sorry. Not just for that night, but for everything that I put you through. You were nothing but loving and kind to me and you didn’t deserve any of it, and I’ll understand if you never forgive me for it.”

They’re both sobbing separately, Nico sitting in the armchair, Karolina atop of the bed, barely three feet of distance between them but it might as well be five miles as they try to process the things they have both just said.

It helps, hearing Nico apologize. It’s something Karolina didn’t even realize she needed until she got it. As for forgiveness… Karolina isn’t sure. She feels so many things for Nico. So much love, so much hurt. She doesn’t think she would survive going through it all again, and yet… this Nico is different. Karolina doesn’t trust her, but she wants to. 

“Tell me about it.” She speaks as soon as they have both calmed down enough for her to finally able to look at Nico again. “The past three and a half years… I wanna know all of it, Nico. Not just  _ social work at NYU _ . Please.”

 

. . . 

 

Nico’s head hurts from all of the crying and her heart still aches from the hard subjects they just had to go through, but she feels good. She didn’t think she could do this, but she did. She said all of the things she had been wanting to say all this time. And Karolina may not have forgiven her just yet, but she does want to know about her life, which Nico counts as a small victory. Talking about herself and her own life is really not her strong suit, but it’s easier if it’s for Karolina. 

“Okay…” She thinks about where she should start for a second, and decides to go back to the very beginning. “The day you left for Europe I.... I came to the airport, I...”

“What?” Karolina interrupts, looking at Nico with those big ocean eyes wide and teary. “You were there? Why?”

“Gert told me you were leaving and I don’t even know what I was thinking, I just went for it. I had no plan, no idea of what I was going to say. I was already regretting what happened and I needed to see you, I guess.” 

Nico pauses to give Karolina a chance to say something, but she doesn’t, gesturing for NIco to continue. 

“And when I did see you… you looked so hurt. There were huge bags under your eyes and you were at least five times paler than usual. You didn’t see me because I pretty much ran away that very second. I felt like the worst human being in the whole world, I just wanted to disappear… so I did. I bought myself a ticket to New York and I left that very day without even telling anybody. I already knew I had been accepted into NYU so I figured I would hang around there until classes start.” 

“So you just left? Without even packing?”

Nico lets out a quick chuckle, shrugging. “Well, you know how impulsive I can be sometimes.”

Karolina gives her a soft smile. “Good point.”

“Anyway, so I got to New York, rented a room in the first sleazy hotel I could find and started hanging around whatever bar or nightclub that would take my fake ID.”

“And your parents? Did they even know where you were?”

“Well, I did text my dad letting him know I was alive, but not much more than that. They were so caught up in the ongoing divorce I think it was actually easier, not having me around.”

Nico’s parents are still a difficult topic for her. She’s been working very hard on forgiving herself but she hasn’t quite forgiven them yet. It was not poor 18-year-old Karolina’s responsibility, scrambling to keep Nico together for all of those months after Amy died, it was  _ theirs _ . Just like it was their responsibility to make sure Amy was alright. Amy and Nico were their daughters, they should have been taking care of them. Steve always says that they were doing their best, that they were caught up in their own stuff too, and Nico sees that better now than she used to in the beginning, but she still hasn’t let go of her resentment. Maybe it’s time she does. 

She doesn’t realize she has spaced out until she hears Karolina clear her throat, waiting for Nico to go on.

“Okay, so… Eventually classes started. Not that I went to any of them, I mostly stuck to the college parties.” She’s unsure if it would be best to just leave the next part out, but after everything that’s happened she figures she owes Karolina the full honest version of the story. “I’d get shit drunk, hook up with strangers and spend the following day sleeping off my hangover until it was time to party again… and that’s when I met Victor.”

She expects Karolina to look angry, but she just seems concerned and it makes everything even worse. Nico feels the familiar urge to stop right now and avoid the rest of this conversation, but she wills herself to continue. She’s done running away from things. 

“Vic and I… we started out as a kind of friends with benefits thing, but the more time he spent with me, the more he realized I was absolutely not okay, and we ended up dropping the benefits part and sticking just to friends. It was a slow process, but he eventually got me to open up to him.”

“How?” Karolina asks, eyes fixed on Nico’s. “How did he get you to open up to him?”

“He started opening up to me.” Most of it is not Nico’s story to tell, but she knows Victor would want her to tell it. “Victor and I… we have a lot of things in common. Bad things. When Victor was 16, he drove alone to a high school party at a friend’s house and got drunk for the first time. He was too hammered to drive back, so he begged his big brother to come pick him up. They got into a huge accident on the way back, one of the other drunk kids from the party crashed right into them.”

“Is that how…?” Karolina doesn’t finish her question, but Nico knows what she’s talking about.

“Yes, that’s how he lost part of his leg. It’s also how his big brother died. His name was Vincent. Victor calls him Vin.”

“Wow.” Karolina clearly doesn’t know what to say. “That’s… that’s awful.”

“Yeah, it is.” Nico nods. “Victor blamed himself a lot, too. His brother wasn’t even supposed to be there that night, you know? When he woke up at the hospital and they told him Vin was gone, Victor refused treatment. He didn’t want to be okay anymore, a lot like I didn’t want to be okay anymore after Amy. His physical therapist sent him to a psychotherapist named Steve Rogers. It’s the same therapist I’ve been seeing for the past two years now.”

She sees a gleam of pride in Karolina’s eyes when she realizes Nico has been going to therapy, and it makes her feel warm inside. 

“Steve is a big believer that the best way to deal with past guilt is to channel it into doing something good. He does voluntary work at a local community center in New York and after a few sessions he suggested Victor should come too. It changed everything for him, and eventually changed everything for me as well. That place, Karolina… it’s incredible. We work mostly with at-risk youth, so basically troubled teens. Kids whose families aren’t supportive, kids who deal with never-ending amounts of pain on a daily basis. And we help them, in whatever little way we can, and sometimes… sometimes we make a real difference.”

“So, social work then? That explains it.” Karolina’s grin is small but warm, and for a second Nico feels like everything is going to be fine. 

“Yeah.” She replies shyly, feeling her cheeks burning red even though they have no reason to. “So that’s it. That’s what I’ve been up to in New York. It’s been a long ride, but I feel like I’m finally in a good place, you know? I mean, I’m definitely not  _ perfect _ , but I’ve been doing okay for a while now. That’s why I accepted Gert’s invite. It was the perfect opportunity to come back here and try to make amends for all of the stupid shit I’ve done, and I felt ready. I  _ am  _ ready. I hope… I hope that maybe you’re ready, too.”

They stare at each other for a while, and Karolina’s expression is completely unreadable. Nico is not used to this, Karolina has always been an open book to her, she always knew exactly what to expect, exactly how she was feeling, but maybe that’s just something else that’s been lost in the time they spent apart. Right now, Nico has no idea of what happens next, which is why she’s so stunned when she sees Karolina moving closer, shortening the distance between them to nothing.

They haven’t  _ touched _ in three and a half years, so it takes Nico a moment to fully process the feel of Karolina’s arms wrapping around her shoulders, Karolina’s face burying itself in the crook of her neck. She’s just there, stiff and confused until her whole body gives in and she hugs Karolina back as tightly as she possibly can, inhaling deeply and realizing Karolina smells exactly the same as she used to, Karolina’s skin is just as soft as she remembers. 

The past years had their ups and downs but not once she did she feel as at ease as she does right now in Karolina’s embrace, and even though she probably can’t stay here forever she’s going to allow herself to enjoy every second of it. 

“I missed you, Nico.” Karolina whispers in Nico’s ear in between sobs, and Nico  _ knows _ she means it. 

“I missed you too, Kar.” She lets her fingers run through Karolina’s hair soothingly, and god, how the hell did she last so long without this?

(She’s home. She’s finally home and she never wants to let go ever again).


	7. Day 06

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's time for the rehearsal dinner!

After last night’s heavily loaded conversation, Karolina and Nico have settled into a slightly awkward friendship, which is definitely more than either of them expected at the beginning of this week. Tonight's the night of the rehearsal dinner so Gert and Molly keep everyone busy pretty much the whole day and Karolina is more than grateful to have something else to focus on as she processes everything that has happened. 

Karolina feels good, she realizes as she sits next to Nico and Victor to help them with napkin folding. Julie was right: all this time she really was just trying to pretend that she and Nico never happened, and being able to acknowledge their past again without feeling like her heart is going to burst out of her chest is liberating. 

She is also finally able to admit how nice it is to have Nico around again, even if things between them are far from the same as they used to be. She listens to Nico snark about Molly’s excessively pink choices of decor and it immediately brings a smile to her lips. Nico was her girlfriend for a long time, but she was her best friend for  _ a lot _ longer than that, and Karolina missed that friendship.

The day goes by quickly as they move from napkin folding to setting up flower arrangements. Victor is shocked to find that Nico is actually really good at this, and Karolina holds back a laugh. This girl has been making her own outfits from scratch since she was 12, of course she has a good hand for arts and crafts. It’s petty, but it pleases her to know that there are still parts of Nico that she knows better than anyone. 

By the time they’re done, the Hostel looks beautiful. The wedding ceremony itself will be hosted outdoors, but they’re having the rehearsal dinner and the reception on the parlor, which is why they all had to work so hard on making it look magical even though it gets little to no sunlight due to being mostly underground. 

“Not bad, huh?” Nico says as they look around to see their finished product. “Hope Gert and Chase are going to like it.”

“They’re gonna love it.” There’s no doubt in Karolina’s mind. Gert and Chase would be  _ crazy _ not to love it. “You know, for someone who only ever wears black, you do know your way around a color wheel. Your arrangements look amazing.”

“Thanks!” Nico chuckles. “All it takes is getting into character, really. Whenever I was in doubt I closed my eyes and asked myself what would Molly like and then just went with whatever I came up with.”

“Wasn’t this supposed to be Gert’s wedding?”

“As if Gert can tell her daisies from her daffodils.” They both laugh. “Gert might be the one getting married but Molly is the real bridezilla here. I’m pretty sure that if it were up to Gert we would be in City Hall right now.”

“I know, right? I was shocked when she told me they were gonna do the whole ceremony thing. She’s been saying weddings are just heteronormative patriarchal rituals in which fathers celebrate selling out their daughters to possessive young men since she was like twelve.”

“You know Chase, though. He’s been waiting his whole life to throw a big party just to celebrate how much he loves Gert, and now he finally gets his chance. I bet that’s the only reason she agreed to this whole thing.” 

“Yeah, I get that.” Karolina looks straight into Nico’s eyes as she says it and they both blush. There was a time in which Karolina would have done anything if she knew it was important to Nico, and she knows that the feeling was mutual. 

Molly yells that dinner will be starting soon so they separate as they both go change into their formal wear. She strips down to her underwear and starts applying her makeup, going for something not too flashy but still elegant. 

(As she puts on lipstick she notices she’s chosen Nico’s favorite shade, but tells herself it’s just a coincidence). 

She’s surprised to hear knocking on the door and for a second she worries it might be Nico, but it’s Gert’s voice that comes through. “Can I come in?”

“Of course!” She replies, eyes still fixed on the mirror as she applies her mascara. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out there greeting the guests or something?”

Only then she looks at Gert, and god is she stunning. Her hair has been curled but not styled, her makeup is minimal - just how she likes it - and her dress is tight and black, its fabric covered in a purple flowery pattern that throws Karolina back to when they were all so young and Gert’s hair used to be that exact color.  “Well, I’m ready and no one’s here yet so I thought I’d check if you need some help zipping up.”

She points to the clothes she’s hung up near the bed. “I’m going pantsuit for this one actually, but thanks.”

Gert closes the door behind her and Karolina realizes she’s not actually there to help Karolina dress up. “So… you and Nico seemed awful close today.”

Of course. Even on her own wedding rehearsal dinner Gert’s natural nosey-ness gets the best of her. It doesn’t bother Karolina as much as she thought it would, in fact it even makes her smile. 

“Yeah… we had a pretty long talk last night. It was good.”

“ _ Talk _ … sure…” Gert says suggestively, and Karolina wonders if she’s back in 7th grade. 

“We really did just talk, alright?  She rolls her eyes. “I don’t think any of us could handle any more than that right now.”

“I know, I know, I was just kidding.” Gert smirks. “But I’m really glad you guys worked things out.  It seems… I don’t know, natural? It’s like you’re always at your best when you’re around each other, even if it’s just as friends.”

Karolina’s cheeks heat up and she doesn’t really know how to reply to that so she just smiles at Gert, hoping she will understand. Karolina knows exactly what Gert means, Nico has always complimented her in a way no one else has, and within that one day they spent together she already feels different. Lighter, more at ease. 

(She realizes maybe she’s not ready for this feeling to go away).

 

. . . 

 

It’s not news to anybody that Karolina Dean is beautiful. As Nico leaves her and Victor’s room - too impatient to wait for him to finish combing his precious hair - she’s already expecting Karolina to look as stunning as ever. Still, when she finally does lay eyes on her,  she’s taken aback anyway. Karolina is always beautiful, but in those fitted linen pants, white dress shirt with its sleeves rolled up, suspenders and that dark red lipstick that suits her so well, she’s looking a lot more than beautiful. She looks  _ hot _ . 

(Nico catches herself staring at the couple of undone buttons near Karolina’s cleavage, wondering what it would feel like to undo the rest of them, but she shakes the thought away quickly).

Karolina doesn’t seem to notice her staring, too busy watching Nico with an awestruck look of her own until Gert breaks their spell by clearing her throat. “I get that you guys both look amazing but may I remind you that  _ I _ am supposed to be center of attention here.”

The three of them laugh, and so much time has passed but it’s still feels just like when they were 17 waiting for the limo to take them to prom and Nico is glad she came back for this. It would have been a real shame to miss it. 

“ _ Te ves muy hermosa _ , Gert.” Victor says as he finally leaves the bedroom, flirty as ever with his hair perfectly styled just as he likes it. 

“ _ Estas guapíssimo,  _ Victor.” She replies with a smile, and if Nico didn’t know Gert she might actually think she was flirting too, but they all know she only does it to tease Chase, who is already looking at the two of them with his brow furrowed in confusion. He looks like he’s about to say something, but he’s interrupted by the sound of approaching voices.

“Looks like our guests are finally here!” He says excitedly, his annoyance at Victor already forgotten. He really does have the attention span of a puppy. 

Nico braces herself, knowing exactly what’s coming her way. She spent the day so focused on assisting Molly with the decorations and on her newfound friendship with Karolina she barely thought about this moment up until now. She knows she can handle this, specially after last night, but it’s not going to be easy. 

Robert Minoru is a lot different from how Nico remembers him. It’s only been a little over three years, but he looks like he’s aged ten, his hair thin and graying, his cheeks hollow and sunken, his forehead covered in wrinkles she doesn’t think were there when she left. Still, the smile in his lips as he holds Janet Stein’s arm looks light and genuine up until the moment it fades as he lays eyes on Nico, replaced by a gasp of shock. 

She feels someone coming to her side for support and for a moment she assumes it’s Victor, but it’s not his fingers that wrap themselves around hers comfortingly. She glances at Karolina and she looks as surprised as Nico is at the gesture, like she didn’t actually intend to do it. Nico gets it. Between the two of them, looking out for each other is just instinct. She squeezes Karolina’s hand, silently thanking her for the reassurance.

Victor is soon standing next to them, sensing that something is wrong even though he has no idea of what it could be. He looks at them waiting for an explanation, and Nico is about to say something when Karolina uses her head to point from Robert to Nico discreetly. 

“Oh.” He whispers, the family resemblance strong enough for him to put the pieces together. “ _ The dad _ .”

“That’s the one.” Nico mutters nervously, tightening her grip on Karolina’s hand. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“Do you want us to come with you?” Karolina asks promptly, her tone filled with concern.

Nico can’t help but smile in appreciation while looking at Karolina and Victor, both hoarding around Nico like a wall, ready to protect her. She couldn’t ask for a better support system.

“It’s fine guys, I promise. It’s probably best I go through this on my own.”

For a moment Karolina looks like she’s about to argue, but instead she nods in agreement, giving Nico’s hand one last squeeze before letting it go and accompanying Victor to greet Gert’s parents. 

Nico’s dad hasn’t moved from his spot, still staring at her wide-eyed as if he’s seeing a ghost. Janet seems worried, but he whispers something in her ear that convinces her to leave his side and go tend to her son. 

“Hey, Robert.” Is all she says as she gets to him, keeping at least a 3 feet of distance between them. 

“Nico...” His voice trembles and his eyes are watery. Robert has always been an emotional guy. It’s a wonder he managed to stay married to Tina for so long. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

She shrugs, trying to seem casual. “It was kind of a last minute decision.”

“Well, I’m really glad you came.” He looks like he wants to ask about a million questions, but he’s afraid he’ll scare her off. “How have you been, Nico?”

It’s sad to think that he really has no idea. When she turned 18, Nico’s parents made her the owner of 5% of their gigantic tech company, Wizard, so when she left she no longer needed to rely on them for money, all of it was already legally hers. She hasn’t spoken to either of them since she left other than replying the occasional text message with  _ no  _ or  _ ok _ just to let them know she’s still alive. It’s cruel, she knows it is. 

“I’m good.” She smiles politely. “Really good, in fact. How about you, dad?”

They both wince as she says the word  _ dad _ . Neither of them have heard it in a very long time.

“I'm doing well.” His grin seems contrived. “About as well as a man can be after losing both his daughters.”

_ Ouch _ . He says it out of sadness, not anger, but Nico still feels like she was just punched in the guts. Thankfully, she recovers quickly.

“I'm not lost, Dad, I just… needed some time.”

She expects some sort of comeback but Robert just nods. “I get it, Nico. I do. Your mother and I… we were so caught up in our own pain after what happened to Amy we forgot how to be  _ your _ parents. And it was right when you needed us most. I don't blame you for leaving, Nico, I just blame myself for letting you go.”

Nico just stares at him in silence, not knowing what to say. She didn't think he'd admit to his mistakes so easily. Her parents, however well intended, were always very proud people. Maybe spending these past few years with Janet Stein has helped him reflect. Nico is happy for him. She hopes Tina is doing well too, though she's glad she doesn't have to see her any time soon. She's already beaten her yearly quota of difficult conversations and that one's gonna have to wait for another time. 

“So…” Robert starts, realizing Nico has spaced out on him. “It's nice to see you and Karolina together again.”

Nico had forgotten just how embarrassing her dad can be sometimes.

“We're not  _ together _ . Not in the way you're thinking, at least.”

“Why not? You always did bring out the best in each other.”

“ _ Not always _ .” Nico bites back, and suddenly she wishes it was Tina instead of Robert in front of her. Tina Minoru may be a heartless bitch most of the time but at least she wouldn't confront Nico about her love life. 

“The months after Amy's death were hard on all of us, Nico. We all did things we regret, but I hope that maybe, with time, we can repair some of what's been broken. I know some things will never go back to the way they were, but perhaps we can use the pieces that are left to build something new.”

She knows he's not just talking about Karolina anymore, but she doesn't allow herself to hope,  _ especially  _ not when it comes to Karolina. 

“Maybe with time that's possible.” She concedes. “But I’ll be flying back to New York in two days. There is no time.”

Robert doesn't seem convinced, but does not press any further. “Well… that's too bad, then.”

(Nico thinks it's too bad, too).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will be honest and admit that i have a bit of a headache so i did not proofread this chapter before posting it, sorry (?)  
> as always, let me know what you think in the comments or @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr


	8. Day 07

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's the night of the wedding and it also happens to be nico's last night in LA

Karolina can barely believe it when the wedding day comes. So much has happened in the last seven days yet at the same time it almost feels like it’s too soon.

(She tells herself this feeling has nothing to do with the fact that her time with Nico is about to end).

There’s not much decoration work to do today: most of it is being taken care of by the professional wedding decor company Molly hired. It’s all very un-Gert, the big fancy wedding, but she seems to be way too in love to care. Karolina and Nico ask to help her get ready, but Molly denies their request. Apparently  _ no one _ is allowed to see the bride before the wedding, they all must wait for the big reveal during the ceremony. This leaves Karolina, Nico, Alex and Victor with nothing to do for most of the day, so they sit on Alex’ room and play cards until it's time to get ready. They decide to play boys versus girls, and the girls win every single time, with Nico's excellent lying skills making up for Karolina's sad excuse for a poker face.

(It’s nice to know that they still make a really good team).

As the time of the ceremony approaches, they all retire to their own rooms to get dressed, and Karolina almosts suggests that Nico should come help her get ready, but she quickly remembers that this would be crossing one of the invisible lines they set for themselves. They are exes, and exes don't see each other naked. 

Still, once she's finished applying her makeup and it's time to put own her gown, she realizes there's a flaw in her plan. This time she actually needs help zipping up, and it’s unlikely that Gert or Molly will be able to come give her a hand, so she texts Nico asking for help.

Karolina has been told she’s beautiful her whole life, but she never really understood it. Sure, she knows she’s pretty, but to her it always seems like a generic kind of pretty. She’s tall, she’s slim, she has blue eyes and blonde hair, she looks like nearly every model in every catwalk, every actress in every shampoo commercial. As Nico strolls inside the room, already wearing her dark laced gown, her beauty is nothing like anything Karolina has ever seen. She felt the same way when she saw Nico ready for rehearsal dinner the night before, but the feeling is even stronger now. There’s no one like Nico. There never will be.

“No pantsuit this time?” Nico jokes, feigning disappointment. 

“I decided to go with a more traditional look this time.” She gestures at the unzipped flowery pink dress she’s wearing. It’s one of Karolina’s favorites. 

“Must be nice, being able to pull whatever look you want.” Nico is smiling, but she looks away from Karolina as if she’s afraid she’s going too far. “No matter what you’re wearing you’re always the most beautiful girl in the room.”

“That’s not true.” Karolina shakes her head vehemently. “I’m not even the prettiest girl in  _ this _ room, though that’s just because I’ve got some tough competition.”

Nico visibly blushes at this, and Karolina can’t help but beam at how adorable she looks. Behind all of that tough goth exterior Nico has always been a softie, and Karolina  _ loves _ bringing out that side of hers. “So, are you gonna zip me up or what?”

Karolina is still barefoot while Nico is already wearing her heels, so their usual 6-inch height difference is reduced so they’re almost eye-level with each other, making it easier for Nico to secure Karolina’s dress from behind her back. She feels the girl’s fingers brushing against her skin as Nico fumbles with her zipper and it gives her the most inappropriate kind of chill. She notices Nico is staring at her through the mirror in front of them and they’re both silent for a moment, watching each other’s reflections attentively.

“C’mon guys, the ceremony is about to start!” Victor’s voice from the other side of the door breaks their trance, and Karolina finally lets out a breath she didn’t even notice she was holding. She slips on her heels quickly and they both hurry out of the room without sharing another word.

The outside of the Hostel is already packed with familiar faces, some from Atlas Academy, some from the prestigious Pride events they all had to attend when they were children. Even Karolina’s parents were invited, though thankfully they were shooting a big movie overseas and wouldn’t be coming. Karolina loves her mom and dad, but they could be a handful sometimes.

(Especially when it came to Nico).

She’s one of Gert’s bridesmaids, so she separates from the reparates from Nico and Victor in order to get in line to walk down the aisle, linking arms with Alex, who also happens to be one of the groomsman. The two of them had never really gotten along, specially not after the Nico incident, but it feels different now that she’s finally starting to let that go.

“Can you believe we’re really here?” She whispers to him as they wait for their turn. “Gert and Chase are actually getting married!”

“I know, right?” He chuckles. “In High School it kind of seemed like those two would never figure themselves out. If back then I had to bet on whose wedding I’d be attending before even graduating from college, my money definitely wouldn’t be on them.”

Karolina knows exactly what it means. Gert and Chase were a bit of a hot mess in their teenage years, loving each other deeply but struggling to figure out how to function as a unit. Karolina and Nico were the complete opposite, working as a well oiled machine pretty much from day one. Transitioning from being best friends to dating was easy for them because deep down they were dating their whole lives, they just weren’t calling it that. And yet, Gert and Chase were able to overcome their problems and grow together, while Karolina and Nico fell apart.

(Gert and Chase got their happy ending, while Karolina and Nico didn’t).

She pushes away those thoughts, reminding herself to smile as she and Alex walk through the rows of guests. This is Gert and Chase’s day, and she’s happy for them, she really is. Right now is definitely not the moment to dwell on the past. 

They reach the altar and Chase is already standing there, looking handsome in his tailored tux. He has the dumbest grin ever in his lips, and it’s clear that he can’t wait to marry the love of his life. Karolina keeps her eyes on him even as the music indicates the bride has finally arrived, watching as he falls apart entirely at the sight of Gert, blissful tears rolling down his cheeks. It’s Chase. Of course he’s crying.

Finally, Karolina looks at Gert, and she looks stunning wearing her flared  _ purple _ gown. Karolina lets out a quiet laugh, amazed. Gert might have gone for the big, traditional wedding, but she sure as hell wasn’t getting married in white. It’s a tiny detail, but it makes the whole thing a lot more Gert-y. She waves at her guests politely, but her eyes never leave Chase for longer than a second. Gert is less of a sap, but she’s every bit as in love as he is.

Dale Yorkes was tasked with officiating the wedding, but seeing his daughter in her dress has him all sorts of emotional so it takes him a few minutes to recompose himself enough to begin his speech. His words are loud, humorous and filled with embarrassing details from Gert’s childhood - in true Dale style, and he has every single guest bursting into laughter, Karolina included.

Chase’s voice trembles when it’s time for him to say his vows, but the grin in his lips does not waver. “Gertrude Louise Yorkes… I have known you my whole life, and we have  _ always _ been completely different people. Growing up, we didn’t see eye to eye most of the time, but somehow, even though you were  _ always _ screaming at me, you still managed to be my favorite person. I  _ love _ that we’re different, I love our silly bickering, I love it when we stay up all night trying to change each other’s minds, because you know what? It’s our differences that make us grow, and I know I’m a better man thanks to that. You’re my soulmate, the love of my life and also the most irritating person I have ever met. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life growing with you.”

His speech breaks through Gert’s attempts to keep cool, and she’s nearly sobbing as she takes her turn. “Okay, so… growing up, I never believed in soulmates, I never believed in happy endings, and I  _ definitely _ did not believe in marriage. I realized I was in love with you when I was twelve years old, and I  _ hated _ it. I was very protective of my feelings, and the idea that someone else - especially a man - could have so much power over me was terrifying, so I tried to push those feelings away. Funny thing is: no matter how hard I tried, they only seemed to grow stronger. No matter how much I tried to tell myself you weren’t the right person for me, you always proved me wrong. Everyone who has ever met me knows I’m not very good at admitting I’m wrong, but here I am admitting I was wrong about all of it, about the marriage, about the soulmates, about the happy ending. It wasn’t easy, letting myself love you and be loved by you, but today I know it is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Thank you, Chase Stein, for proving me wrong.”

The audience claps enthusiastically as Dale finishes the ceremony and the two of them kiss. She looks around at the crowd and sees every single pair of watery eyes glued to Gert and Chase except for one. 

Nico Minoru’s eyes were fixed on Karolina the whole time.

 

. . .

 

Nico has always disliked weddings. She couldn’t see the point of it: the excessive spending, the stressful planning, the very public exchange of promises. She prefers that her feelings stay private, rarely spoken aloud and shared only with a select few. Still, this is  _ Gert and Chase _ ’s wedding, and something about watching them profess their love for each other… gets to her.

Maybe it’s the champagne. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s know both Gert and Chase ever since they were all in diapers. Maybe it’s just the aftermath of the very emotional week she had.

(Maybe it’s because she remembers feeling exactly like Gert and Chase do and Karolina is looking incredible tonight).

Whatever it is, she can’t stop it, and it’s her last night in LA anyway so she might as well give in. What harm could it do? Her feet drift toward Karolina’s table without Nico telling them too, and she finds herself with her arm stretched out, asking her ex-girlfriend for a dance. She knows she’s breaking every single boundary she tried to establish but right now she doesn’t care. It’s their best friends’ wedding and the world won’t end if they dance.

“Wait? You’re serious?” Karolina replies teasingly. “Nico Minoru is  _ asking _ for a dance?”

“Yep.” Nico laughs. “Consider it a once in a lifetime opportunity.”

“But you  _ hate _ dancing.”

“Is that a  _ no _ , then, Ms. Dean?” 

“Of course not!” Karolina gets up from her chair as fast as humanly possible, grabbing Nico’s hand and physically  _ dragging _ her to the dancefloor as if she is afraid Nico will change her mind any moment now. The DJ is playing a slow ballad, so they naturally take their usual positions: Karolina’s arms wrapped around Nico’s neck, Nico’s hands firmly placed on Karolina’s waist. They’re both wearing heels with similar heights, so she still has to physically look up to meet Karolina’s eyes. 

“Can you believe how amazing this place looks?” Karolina whispers, gesturing around to the Hostel parlor, now completely decorated and filled with cheery wedding guests. 

“It used to look like a haunted house when we were little.” Nico replies as they move aimlessly to the song. “I kind of liked it better that way, but please don’t tell Molly I said that.”

“Well, the haunted house look does fit your aesthetic a lot better, but it’s not really wedding-appropriate.”

“Why not?” Nico rolls her eyes. “Goth weddings are a thing.” 

“Guess I really dodged a bullet then, huh.” Karolina scoffs, and it’s probably too soon for that kind of joke but Nico doesn’t mind one bit. She’s tired of having that huge elephant in the room whenever they’re together. They should be able to talk about it, maybe even joke about it. 

“ _ Ouch _ .” She blinks, pretending to be hurt. “That was a low blow.” 

Karolina grins. “I’m kidding, obviously. We both know that if you and I had ever gotten married you’d just let me plan the wedding whatever way I wanted.”

(She’s not wrong, but Nico is definitely not admitting to it).

“Karolina Dean, when did you become such a sass master?” She asks incredulously. 

The other girl just shrugs, making the sorriest attempt at a smug face Nico has ever seen. “Maybe I’m not the only one who’s changed in the past three and a half years.”

Nico raises her eyebrows at Karolina, doubtful. “Is that so?”

“Stick around and you’ll find out.”

She knows Karolina probably said it without thinking, but Nico feels her heart getting heavier at the reminder that their time together will be over soon. The truth is: part of Nico  _ wants _ to stick around and find out, but she can’t. There’s a whole life in New York waiting for her. They continue to dance, but now they are quieter, the air between them more serious, their bodies pushed together more tightly.

“Hey, Nico.” Karolina mutters after a few moments of silent waltzing. “I just wanted to say… I’m glad you came.”

It feels like the beginning of a goodbye and Nico cannot resist the urge to deflect and change the subject. “Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I cost you your relationship.”

“That wasn’t your fault.” Karolina’s eyes stare at Nico’s, soft and understanding. “Julie was right to break up with me. I… I hadn’t moved on as much as I thought I did.”

“And now?” Nico is almost afraid to ask, and she knows she probably shouldn’t, but she can’t stop herself.  “Have you moved on?”

“From all of the bad things that happened between us? I think I’m getting there. I can actually think about it without crying or shutting down completely, so I guess that’s progress.” Karolina goes quiet for a moment, and Nico almost thinks she’s done talking when she speaks again. “I’m not sure if I have moved on from  _ you _ , though.”

Her voice is low and painfully honest and it hits Nico like a dozen knives. She knows exactly what Karolina is feeling, she feels it too. Nico’s eyes linger on Karolina’s lips and she wants nothing more than to close the distance between them and just kiss her, but she stops herself. Kissing now would only leave both their hearts broken when Nico inevitably leaves the next day. 

(And Nico has promised herself she will  _ never _ break Karolina Dean’s heart ever again).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the song i personally picture deanoru dancing to in this scene is called "Cain" by EXES (that's literally the name of the band lol) and it's a really beautiful song about missing your chance at love, but i didn't write it into the actual text bc i think it's too sad of a track to realistically be played on a wedding
> 
> i know it's already day 07 but there's still a couple of chapters coming up so don't worry i'm not ending it like this! as usual, feedback is super welcome either via comments or @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr


	9. Day 08

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their week is over and it's time to say goodbye :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm calling it Day 08 but the first part is basically just Day 07 after midnight

The wedding reception is the most fun Karolina has had in a long time. Celebrating her best friends’ love with good food, expensive champagne and a nice DJ is all a girl could ask for. It feels great having all the Pride kids together again in a formal event, and Karolina is surprised to find that even Victor Mancha fit well within their dynamic. After he showed her his robot dancing moves, she decided he’s not so bad after all.  

She and Nico don’t get another moment alone after their dance, but they stay close by as they hang out with their friends, and it’s incredible how much difference it makes to just have her  _ there _ . Even if they’re not directly interacting, just feeling Nico’s presence around her is enough to make Karolina feel more at ease. There’s still many things unsaid between the two of them, but they both decide it’s best to put those things on hold and enjoy the party. It’s Gert and Chase’s day, after all, and they’re here to celebrate.

The sun is almost rising when Nico announces she’s heading back to her room so she can get some sleep before her mid afternoon flight. She gestures for Victor to come with her, but he shoots Karolina a strange look and tells Nico he’s hanging back for a little while and will meet her later on. 

Karolina takes the hint, following Nico as she walks away. She thinks they’re going to Nico’s room, but instead they find themselves sitting by a tree on the outside of the Hostel, the sky above them colored in a mix of dark and light that seems to fit them perfectly. It’s a really beautiful place to say goodbye.

“Karolina, I…” Nico starts as soon as she’s settled. There’s barely a foot of distance between them, sitting close enough that their legs touch. She breathes out her words while looking at Karolina’s hands instead of her eyes. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“I do.” Karolina gently places her hand on the side of Nico’s cheek, lifting her head up slightly so she could meet her gaze. Whatever reservations Karolina has fade away as she looks at this beautiful girl who even after everything still makes her feel like her heart is about to leap out of her chest. Karolina knows exactly what she wants, and maybe it’s selfish of her to say it, but she’ll never forgive herself if she lets Nico go without saying it. “Stay.”

Nico’s eyes widen and her mouth opens as if she’s about to say something, but Karolina’s not finished. 

“I know things will never go back to the way they were, and I don’t want them too. These past seven days made it very clear that you’re not the same person anymore, and I wanna get to know the person you’ve become, Nico, I want that more than anything. I’ll  _ always _ want you in my life, in whatever way makes sense for us. And I think you want that too, so...stay. This is your home.”

Nico smiles, but the tears in her eyes tell Karolina she’s about to say no. Karolina feels herself deflating, and she’s about to just walk away when Nico tugs at her hand to get her attention.

“Can I show you something?” She pleads, gesturing for Karolina to sit back down.

Karolina complies, watching as Nico grabs her phone from her dark clutch bag and opens up a photo for Karolina to see. There’s too many faces - most of them looking not much older than seventeen - and it’s hard for her to make out exactly who is who, but she spots Nico on the far right corner and recognizes the boy standing next to her as Victor. She shoots Nico a quizzical look, waiting for her to explain. 

“We took this picture last Friendsgiving at the community center. It was a pretty amazing day.” Nico zooms in one of the faces, a solemn short-haired blonde woman looking to be about 30. “This is Carol Danvers, she’s been running the place for five years now and she’s...amazing. She taught me so much these past couple of years, you have no idea. She can be  _ really _ scary at first but once you get to know her you realize she has the biggest heart ever.”

“I think I’d like her.” Karolina grins. “She sounds a lot like someone I know.”

Nico blushes, turning back to her phone and showing Karolina another face, this time a tall, muscular man with a scruffy beard and a large, goofy smile. “That’s Steve, my therapist. He’s a very busy guy, but he volunteers there every Thursday to give free sessions of the kids who need him most.”

“ _ That’s _ your therapist?” Karolina feigns disbelief. “He looks like a swimsuit model!” 

“I know, right?” Nico laughs. “He’s a big fan of that whole  _ healthy body, healthy mind  _ philosophy. He makes me go on walks and eat lettuce, it’s awful.”

Karolina rolls her eyes. “Well, thank god  _ someone _ got you to stop living purely off pizza and cheap beer!” 

“I still love pizza and cheap beer, thank you very much.” Nico elbows her teasingly before proceeding to the next face, a young girl with dyed green hair sporting a large baby bump. “That’s Cassie, she’s one of the kids that come there regularly. Her family wasn’t too happy when she decided to keep the baby, but we were there for her and things have smoothed over since. We’re helping her with getting her GED and she’s looking up some kid-friendly colleges she can apply to. She had her little girl a couple of months ago, cutest baby ever. Cassie named her after Carol. Everyone always names the babies after Carol.”

“You sound a little bit jealous.”

“I just think Nico is a really strong name and should be considered more often.” She jokes, ḿoving on to a slightly younger, strikingly skinny light-haired girl. “This is Eliza. Her birth family is… complicated. Her mother struggles with heroin addiction and Ellie ended up following the same path. Thankfully she’s been placed in a really nice foster family and she is doing a  _ lot _ better now. She got her 1 year sobriety chip last month, Carol and I both came to the ceremony. Ellie was  _ so _ proud.”

“Wow, Nico…” Karolina is at loss for words. “That’s amazing.”

Nico just nods, her fingers zooming in on a short boy with dark curly haired. “Don’t tell anybody, but this one, Theo… he’s my favorite, he’s just the bravest person I’ve ever met. He’s fifteen and he came out as trans about a year ago. His family was not supportive, but we helped him gather some resources to help educate them and they’ve been slowly coming around.  I’m usually the one who accompanies him to his doctor’s appointments, and a few weeks ago he finally started hormone therapy. You should’ve seen him, Kar, he was  _ glowing _ .”

She notices that, Nico, too, seems like she’s glowing as she talks about these kids she’s clearly so connected to, and it makes her look so beautiful Karolina feels her own heart skipping a beat. She thinks of the Nico from three and a half years ago and she’s so happy to know that broken 18 year old girl was not only able to build herself back up but also found the strength to dedicate her life to helping other kids do the same. It’s incredible.  _ She _ is incredible.

“These kids, Kar… most of them don’t have a lot of people that they can trust, but they trust  _ me _ . I can’t leave them, I can’t leave my life in New York behind. No matter how much I want to.”

It still hurts, but Karolina understands now. Nico might have grown up in Los Angeles, but this new version of her belongs in New York and it’s painful but it’s also beautiful. 

“I’m  _ so _ proud of you, Nico.” Karolina breathes out, and while it’s the complete truth it feels like it’s not enough to encompass what she’s feeling. She never knew it was possible to feel so fulfilled while hearing about someone else’s accomplishments, to be so happy to see someone else’s happiness. Maybe that’s what love is all about.

“You are?” Nico’s voice trembles with a mixture of hope and insecurity, her eyes uncertain. 

“Of course I am!” Karolina cups the girl’s face with both her hands, trying to make sure that Nico understands the full depth of her words. “Of course I wanted you to stay here with me...but I get it. And I couldn’t possibly be more proud of the person you’ve become.”

Later on, when Nico catches her flight to New York and Karolina comes back to her empty apartment, she knows it will hurt like hell, but as she looks at Nico right now she can’t even feel the pain. Karolina is glad Nico found her place, even if it’s on the other side of the country. 

(Their happy ending may not be like Gert and Chase’s, but it’s as happy of an ending they could get). 

 

. . .

 

She knows they’re just postponing the inevitable, but Nico accepts Karolina’s offer to drive them to the airport nonetheless. She and Victor say goodbye to her old friends, and her heart feels heavy as she slides her suitcase into Karolina’s trunk. Leaving LA is a lot harder than she thought it would be.

Returning to New York is the right thing to do, she has no doubt about it, but the past week reminded her of how great it feels to be around her old friends and from now on she will probably miss them a lot more than she did before. Even worse, those seven days also confirmed something that deep down she always suspected: Karolina Dean is the love of her life, plain and simple. No matter how much they grow apart, no matter how much they both change, Karolina will  _ always _ be the love of her life. There’s no one else in this world as beautiful, as understanding, as wholly and completely  _ good _ . She is a bright spot of light in a world that’s mostly dark and Nico loves her so much she almost considers throwing her entire life away just so she can be close to her. Almost.

They mostly make small talk on the long ride to LAX, trying to distract themselves from their impending goodbye. Karolina tells Nico and Victor stories from her college life, her new friends, her new apartment, all of the things she’s been up to over the past couple of years. She doesn’t mention Julie directly, but Nico thinks about her anyway. Would they get back together now that Nico will no longer be in the way? The mere idea of it makes her stomach turn, but she knows she has no right to be jealous, specially not after Karolina put herself out there and asked her to stay and Nico turned her down. She just wants Karolina to be happy, and if Julie can make that happen, then Nico is all for it. 

(Thinking about it still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth, though).

There’s barely half an hour left before their plane takes off when they get there, so their goodbyes have to be quick. Nico tells herself it’s probably better this way.

Karolina gives Victor what seems to be a genuine hug, and Nico is happy to see those two getting along. She understands why Karolina didn’t like Victor very much at first, but if they had a chance to get to know each other better she’s sure they would be good friends. They’re her two favorite people in the world, after all. Before letting go, Karolina whispers something in his ear that Nico can’t really make out and even though she really wants to ask she decides it’s better not to. Once they’re done Victor excuses himself and enters the boarding area, allowing for Nico and Karolina to say their farewells in private. 

They stare at each other silently for a moment, their shared look saying so many things they wouldn’t dare to speak aloud. Nico notices Karolina is close to crying so she pushes her own tears down, trying to be strong for both of their sakes.

“I’m really sorry this has to end so soon.” Nico breathes out quietly, holding both of Karolina’s hands tightly. “I had a really good time, coming back here.”

“I can’t believe it, I mean… the first couple of days felt like  _ years _ and then the rest went by so fast.”

Nico nods, knowing exactly what she means. The moment the two of them started actually talking to each other, time began to fly by. “I wish we hadn’t wasted so much time in the beginning ignoring each other.”

“I think we needed that time, though… to readjust.” It’s not clear if Karolina is talking about their awkward first couple of days or about the three and a half years that came before that. Nico knows she’s right regardless. They weren’t good for each other before she left. 

(Could they be good for each other now? They’ll probably never know).

“Nico, can I… can I ask you something?” Karolina looks so vulnerable right now there’s no way Nico would ever say no to anything she wanted. 

“Of course.”

“Promise me this time will be different.” Her tears start falling down her cheeks now, but her voice is firm and decisive. “Promise me you won’t disappear again. You don’t have to come visit every other weekend or whatever but maybe send us a few texts like once a month or so? Just so we know how you’re doing?”

Nico can’t keep herself together while watching Karolina look so absolutely heartbroken, so she wraps her arms around her as tightly as she possibly can, pressing her lips to Karolina’s ear as she whispers her response. “I promise, okay? If you ever want to talk to me, I’ll just be a phone call away.”

“I always want to talk to you, Nico.” 

Karolina starts to pull away from their embrace but stops half way, letting her eyes linger on Nico’s lips while there’s barely an inch of distance between them. For a second it’s like gravity decides to stop working completely and Nico feels herself drawn to Karolina in the same natural way she’s usually drawn to the ground beneath her, but she comes to her senses before things go any further.

“We shouldn’t…” She’s so close to Karolina’s face she can feel the other girl’s breathing. “It’s only going to make this harder.”

Karolina lets out the saddest, tiniest laugh. “I don’t think it can get any harder, Nico.”

“Well…” It’s incredible that even in a moment like this Karolina still manages to make her smile. “I guess you have a good point.”

She gives in, pressing their lips together ever so delicately. Their kiss barely lasts a second, and Nico is sure she couldn’t have handled any longer than that without falling apart completely. Karolina’s lips are exactly as soft as she remembers and they taste like cherry lip balm and happiness. Nico buries her fingers into the back of Karolina’s hair as it happens, and it takes her every last fiber of strength not to take it any further. 

“Take care of yourself, okay?” Karolina pleads as they separate, hands still cupping Nico’s cheeks.

“Of course.” Nico gently tucks away a loose strand of Karolina’s hair so she can get a better view of her eyes. “And you take care of yourself, too.”

There’s so much more they want to say, but they hear the voice from the intercom announcing it’s the last call for Nico’s flight. Their time is up. 

“Call me when you get there. Please.” Is the last thing Karolina says before Nico turns around to leave.

“I will. I promise.” It’s a promise Nico intends to keep. She is  _ never _ going to let herself hurt Karolina Dean ever again.

Nico walks away without looking back, knowing very well that if she does she might never make it to her flight, so she clutches the handle of her suitcase tightly and keeps her head up as she walks through airport security. Only when she finally catches up with Victor she lets go, burying her face in his chest and finally allowing her sobs to come out. 

“You did great this week,  _ cariño _ .” He whispers as he holds her. “Steve is gonna be proud.”

(Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so much?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hang tight for the epilogue! it's gonna be about twice the size of a regular chapter lol 
> 
> as usual, feedback is super welcome via comments or @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's karolina's birthday and things have changed so much she doesn't even know how to feel

Growing up, Karolina’s birthday was always her favorite day of the year. It wasn’t so much about the parties or the attention or even the cake, though she liked those too. There was something about Karolina’s birthday that always made her  _ extra _ excited, and that something was Nico Minoru.

Words didn’t used to be Nico’s strong suit, but she was always  _ great _ at showing her affection through her actions, and Karolina’s birthday was her time to shine. Every year, ever since they were five, she’d prepare a surprise that would put whatever extravagant gifts Karolina got from her parents’ rich friends to shame. 

It started out with a birthday card made in kindergarten art class that stated in colorful glitter letters that Nico and Karolina were best friends forever. It may sound simple, but they were still learning how to spell, so she knew that even that three-word phrase must have taken Nico a lot of work. Young Karolina was mindblow: they had known each other for a long time, but Nico was a very shy child who didn’t usually say stuff like that, so Karolina figured that maybe Nico was only nice to her because their parents were friends. When she read that card, she could barely believe it, she even asked her mom to read it again just to make sure she got it right. How could a kid as cool and talented as Nico want to be friends with her  _ forever _ ? She didn’t know, but she didn’t question it either. It made her feel like she was the luckiest girl in the world. 

From that day forward, it became a tradition: every year, on Karolina’s birthday, Nico would surprise her with the greatest gift she could ever get. At age 8 it was her very first astronomy kit, and every other weekend they’d stay up late at Karolina’s backyard to try and identify the constellations, even though the LA sky made things very difficult. At age 13 it was a dress - one of Nico’s very first creations - and it suited Karolina better than any piece of clothing ever had. Unfortunately, Karolina’s growth spurt came soon after and she was devastated that the dress no longer fit, but Nico turned it into an even prettier shirt and Karolina wore it almost every week for the following three years. 

When she was turning fifteen, for the very first time, Karolina worried Nico might have forgotten. She was acting weird and distant the whole day, and Karolina wondered if it perhaps had something to do with Alex. Everyone in Atlas Academy knew he had a crush on Nico, and they had been spending a lot of time together lately, maybe something was happening between the two of them and Nico wanted to avoid talking about it. Karolina had told herself over and over again that it didn’t bother her, or that even if it did bother her it was just because she didn’t want to share her best friend, but deep down she knew it was about more than that. She had feelings for Nico, feelings that girls aren’t supposed to have for their friends. 

Eventually night time came and she still hadn’t gotten so much as a  _ happy birthday _ from her supposed BFF, and she was so upset she decided to confront Nico, to ask her why she was being so weird, to tell her that it’s okay if Alex is her boyfriend now but that doesn’t mean she has to ignore Karolina on her own damn birthday. She would never forget what came next: the way Nico looked at her, small and frightened, and Karolina thought she was about to cry but instead she kissed her. Just like that, out of the blue, Nico kissed her and nothing was ever the same.  Karolina learned later that Nico had actually been planning to do that for  _ months _ , but when the day finally came she got scared that maybe Karolina wouldn’t reciprocate. Nonsense. Even back then it was obvious that Karolina was in love with her.

Karolina thought no birthday gift could ever be as good as having her first kiss with the girl of her dreams, but Nico never ran out of ways to up her game. For sixteen it was a romantic date at Disneyland, seventeen was a weekend long road trip to San Francisco just the two of them, and eighteen… Karolina can’t even  _ think _ about eighteen without  _ blushing _ . 

It was because of all that history that, when her nineteenth birthday came and Karolina was in Europe, she decided to keep it to herself. She went to work as if it were any other day and didn’t tell a soul about it, not even Xavin, and they were already together at the time. It was her very first birthday without Nico and it hurt too much to celebrate. Even after everything that happened, even though she was in a different continent dating a different person, she couldn’t stop herself from hoping that maybe Nico would call. She felt so pathetic, desperately wishing to get 5 seconds of attention from the person who hurt her most in the world, but she couldn’t help it. No matter what happened between them, Nico had  _ never _ missed a birthday.

(Except that time she did, and Karolina cried all night).

Birthdays twenty, twenty-one and twenty-two weren’t much different. She had already decided that the best way to deal with the Nico situation was to not think about it altogether, but that was always more difficult on her birthday, so she avoided it too, turning off her phone, logging out all of her social media and just focusing on whatever assignments she had to do for university. One time Gert and Molly ambushed her with cake, but she went right back to her schoolwork as soon as she was done eating. Karolina Dean was not a birthday person anymore, she had accepted that.

Now, however, things are different and she has no idea of how to feel. She’s turning 22 and the memories of the past don’t hurt nearly as much anymore, but she can’t bring herself to feel the same excitement she used to feel when she was younger. 

(Especially considering she knows Nico won’t be there).

A few months have passed since the wedding and Karolina and Nico have facetimed every single night. Sometimes their calls could last hours, they would just lose themselves in conversation, talking about everything and nothing. Karolina would tell Nico about her classes, Nico would update her on whatever was going on at the community center that day and they’d chat until it was too late in California and Karolina inevitably fell asleep. On some weekends they liked to watch movies together, syncing their Netflix accounts so that the film would play at the exact same time and they could give each other live commentary. Victor often participated in these movie nights, and Karolina really started to enjoy his (virtual) presence. Victor is a good guy, and it’s nice to know that Nico has someone close by who can look after her if she needs it. 

As for Nico and Karolina’s relationship… it’s complicated. For all intents and purposes, they are just friends. Friends with a long history of love and heartbreak that also happened to share a quick but meaningful kiss at the airport the last time they saw each other. Gert says that they’re essentially dating long distance, and she definitely has a point. They text throughout the whole day and facetime every single night. They’re both technically free to see other people, but Karolina isn’t really interested and she’s pretty sure neither is Nico. Sometimes, on particularly busy days when they don’t have time for a proper conversation, they call each other just to say good night because they like hearing each other’s voices before going to sleep. How friendly is that?

Karolina can admit that their arrangement isn’t ideal, but it’s probably the healthiest option they had after Gert and Chase’s wedding. No matter how much she wished Nico had stayed, she can see now that she needed some time apart to fully process everything that happened that week. There was a lot of stuff from their passed that she hadn’t really dealt with, and having Nico back in her life but still at a distance gave her the space to really heal.

And now… she feels good. Really, genuinely good, and she’s ready for  _ more _ , but she’s not sure if Nico is. She was dying to ask Nico to come over for her birthday, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually do it. Besides, Nico has some big important exam coming up soon, so she probably couldn’t come anyway. She has been spending so much time studying in the past few days Karolina couldn’t blame her if she forgot about the birthday altogether. 

Karolina decides that this year she’s not up for some big celebration, but she also doesn’t need to ignore her birthday completely. She has lunch at her parents’ place, allowing them to give her all the pampering she’s missed out on for the past three years, stuffing her face with top quality vegan cake and gladly accepting the award winning eco-friendly vehicle they got for her as a gift. 

Later on the afternoon Gert asks her to meet at that same diner she liked, and Karolina is so excited to take her new car for a test run she doesn’t even mind the long drive. She recalls that the last time she’d been to the place was when Gert told her Nico would be coming to the wedding. It wasn’t that long ago, but it feels like it happened in a different universe. Karolina had so much stuff bottled up back then… she was telling herself and everyone else that she was fine but really she was exhausted, having to keep up that façade all the time when deep down she didn’t feel  _ fine _ at all. Her life might be messier now, but it definitely feels a lot lighter.

When Karolina finally gets there she notices Gert standing at the sidewalk, pacing from side to side while waiting for her impatiently, and she realizes something is probably off. 

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you inside?” She asks as soon as she’s parked. 

“So…” Gert starts nervously. “Remember what I said about you and I meeting for snacks, just the two of us?”

“Yes.” Karolina nods, slightly annoyed at how Gert seems to be dancing around the point, not unlike the last time they came to this place. 

“I might have been lying about the  _ just the two of us _ part.” She breathes out. “There’s… quite a few people in there, actually, so I thought I should give you a heads up.”

“Please tell me you didn’t throw me a surprise party.” Karolina pleads. She wasn’t planning on having a party. Hell, she’s not even  _ dressed _ for a party. This is a disaster.

Gert looks like she’s about to say something, but they’re both distracted as the main door to the diner opens and out comes the one person Karolina least expected to be seeing. 

“She didn’t.” Nico smiles widely, and she looks so beautiful Karolina is taken aback for a second. She video chats with Nico every single day, but she hasn’t seen her in person for  _ months  _ and her phone’s camera definitely doesn’t do her justice. “But I might have. Hope that’s okay.”

_ It’s more than okay _ . 

 

. . .

 

“I really hope I didn’t overstep.” Nico asks as soon as they finally have a moment alone. Karolina did look genuinely glad to see that all of her friends had flown in to spend her birthday with her, but Nico still feels insecure. She was with Gert when she called Karolina to ask her to come to the diner and they both heard her specifically say she was not in the mood for parties. “It’s just that Alex mentioned to me that you didn’t celebrate your birthday anymore and I thought… I thought maybe I should to something. You know, like old times.”

“Are you kidding?” Karolina’s grin is so earnest it immediately eases Nico’s worries. “This is perfect, Nico. I can’t believe you did this for me, I can’t even believe you’re actually  _ here _ .”

Nico shrugs. “Well, you wouldn’t invite me to your birthday so I had to invite myself.”

“Oh, c’mon! You know I  _ always _ want you to come, you don’t really need to be invited.”

Nico did not know that, actually. She knows she and Karolina have been getting closer lately, but Karolina has also said that she appreciates having the space to figure out her feelings on her own, so Nico wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing by coming over unannounced like this. She almost gave up on the entire surprise party idea several times, but Gert kept insisting that Karolina would love it and Nico sincerely hoped that was true. She may not know exactly what Karolina wants, but she does know what  _ she _ wants. She has known for a long time now. 

“I’m really glad you’re enjoying your party.” She breathes out, unsure of what to say. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you this past week, it’s just that I was so nervous I was afraid you’d notice and it would ruin the surprise.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I’m just happy that you’re  _ here _ .” Nico feels Karolina’s fingers wrapping around her own and it’s such a simple gesture but it makes her heart skip a beat regardless. “How long will you be staying, by the way?”

“Just the weekend.” Nico’s heart sinks a little at the reminder that they once again have a ticking clock over their heads, but she tries to brush the feeling off. Right now she’s holding hands with the girl she loves and she’s gonna let herself enjoy it. “My flight is tomorrow night.”

“So soon?” Karolina’s face falls for a fraction of a second, but she quickly recovers. “Are you staying at Tina’s?”

“God, no.” Nico nearly chokes at the suggestion. She and Tina are back on speaking terms, exchanging a phone call every now and then, but she’s definitely not ready to stay at her house anytime soon.  “I’m staying at a hotel, actually.”

“Oh, okay.” Karolina seems slightly disappointed, though Nico isn’t sure why. “We, uh… we should probably get back to the party.”

_ Party  _ is probably not even the right word to call it. Nico rented out the place for the afternoon, but it was still a  _ diner _ , not a nightclub. There’s music and nice vegan food and a large table filled with all of their childhood best friends drinking beer and goofing around. It feels more like a family gathering than a party, and something about the look in Karolina’s eyes as she joins the rest of their friends makes Nico sure that she made the right choice by deciding to have it here.

The rest of the afternoon goes by quickly, and soon it’s time for most people to say goodbye. Chase has to work on his graduation project, Alex is having dinner with his folks and Gert and Molly promised Stacey they would be doing girls night tonight. Nico gets the feeling that they’re all just making up excuses so they can leave her alone with Karolina, and she’s not sure if she’s annoyed or grateful. 

“So, what are we doing next?” Karolina asks the moment they’re alone, looking at Nico expectantly. 

“Well, you’re the birthday girl so… whatever you want. Club, drinks, mini-golfing, you name it and I’ll do it.” Nico wants her day to be perfect so badly she’d probably agree to go skydiving if Karolina asked her to, and she’s  _ terrified _ of heights. 

“Come home with me.” Karolina replies seriously, eyeing Nico with such intensity it makes her feel breathless. “Forget the stupid hotel. Please. If I only have you for another 24 hours I want to make the most of them.”

“Karolina, I…” She feels like she’s about to burst with anxiety, and it’s ironic because going home with Karolina sounds like the best possible way to spend the night, but she’s too afraid of what the consequences would be.

The other girl senses Nico’s uneasiness, touching her arm reassuringly. “It doesn’t have to be like that, I mean, uh… We don’t have to  _ do _ anything. We can just watch a movie together without having to worry about the wifi delay for once. I can sleep in the couch.”

Nico looks at Karolina’s big and pleading eyes and she can’t even consider saying no to that. “Okay. Let’s go to your place, then.”

Karolina instantly lights up when Nico agrees, and it’s incredible, the way one sincere smile from that girl can just  _ radiate _ enough positive energy to power up a small to medium sized planet. Being around Karolina is like being around your own portable sun. 

(Nico loves her so much it’s unreal).

They spend the 40 minute drive to Karolina’s apartment singing along to their favorite Disney tunes as loudly and dramatically as they possibly can. When High School Musical’s  _ Breaking Free  _ comes up they even duet, and Nico’s impression of Troy Bolton has them both laughing so hard they lose track of the song. If anybody ever asks she’ll say the whole thing was Karolina’s idea, but the truth is that 2000’s Disney Hits is the only playlist Nico has saved on her phone. 

Karolina’s apartment looks exactly how Nico imagined it would be: full of bright colors and plants, shelves filled with pictures of friends, souvenirs of trips and just trinkets in general. Most of the cramped living room space is taken up by a large yellow couch covered with non matching throw pillows, and as she sits down Nico feels like the cushions are about to swallow her whole. She can’t help but notice that the place smells like cinnamon and vanilla, just like Karolina’s old room used to. It’s the complete opposite of Nico and Victor’s NYC apartment. It’s perfect.

They put on Saving Face, a sweet romcom about a shy Chinese-American lesbian and her overbearing pregnant mother that they’ve seen at least a million times but they never get tired of. Karolina makes popcorn and pours them wine glasses and, though they start out sitting about a foot away from each other, halfway through the movie they’re already essentially cuddling, Karolina’s head lying lazily on Nico’s lap, Nico’s fingers caressing her blonde hair absent-mindedly.

The main character’s mother is about to marry the wrong man when Nico realizes Karolina is watching  _ her _ instead of the movie, a big awestruck grin on her lips. She looks so pretty. Why does she always look so pretty?

“You’re staring.” Nico whispers, moving her fingers from Karolina’s scalp to her cheek. “You’re gonna miss the part where the pharmacist’s son reveals he’s the father.”

Karolina bites her lip in the same way she always does whenever she’s about to say something she probably shouldn’t. “You look too cute when you’re concentrated. It’s distracting me.”

Nico can feel her cheeks flushing and it’s so  _ silly _ . She dated that girl for  _ years _ and she still blushes whenever Karolina compliments her. She knows she should probably just go back to watching the movie, but the wine makes it hard for her to keep quiet. “Well, that’s no excuse. You’re here lying on my lap looking like a goddamn greek goddess and I can still manage to pay attention to the film.”

(Is this flirting? Are they flirting? Nico hasn’t flirted in so long she doesn’t even remember what it feels like).

Karolina sits up at this, wearing a playful smirk that Nico hasn’t seen in years. She moves so that her face is about two inches away from Nico’s, looking at her right in the eyes. “Maybe I don’t want you to pay attention to the film.”

She feels Karolina leaning closer and she has never wanted anything in her life as much as she wants to kiss that girl right now, but, as always, fear stops her. She finds herself pulling away, leaving Karolina clearly disappointed. 

“I’m sorry, Karolina, I…”

“It's okay.” She squeezes Nico’s hand but avoids her gaze, seeming embarrassed. “I’m sorry if… I’m sorry if I crossed a line. Like I said, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“What? No!” The mere thought of it is so absurd Nico can’t believe Karolina is even saying it. In what world would kissing Karolina Dean be something Nico doesn’t want to do? “You didn’t do anything wrong! Or course I want to, Kar. I really, really want to. It’s just that… having you back in my life these past few months has been wonderful, and I’m afraid of ruining it by moving too fast. I put you through  _ hell _ before I left, and you’ve been kind enough to give me another chance so I’m not gonna risk it by pushing you.”

Karolina eyes Nico softly, letting go of her hand so she can cup her cheeks. “You're not pushing me, Nico.  _ I _ was the one who tried to kiss  _ you _ . I want this. You want this. What's stopping us?”

“I'm just…” Nico wants to cry, but she reminds herself that it's still Karolina's birthday and she refuses to turn it into a sob fest, so she blinks back her tears and tries to keep her voice steady as she speaks. “I'm scared I'll mess things up and hurt you again.”

“You won't.” Karolina states firmly with absolutely no hesitation. Nico wishes she were this confident.

“How can you know that?” Nico hears herself cracking, but still keeps her tears at bay.

“Nico, I've been talking to you every single day for  _ months _ now.” The softness in Karolina's smile does not waver for so much as a second, her fingers stroking Nico's cheeks soothingly. "I’ve seen how much you've grown, and it never ceases to amaze me. You're not that girl from four years ago anymore, Nico, you've healed from her pain and you've learned from her mistakes. I trust you. Completely. We wouldn't be having this conversation right now if I didn't. So if you don't want to be with me, that's okay, but if you do… Just kiss me already. Please. I think we've waited long enough.”

Karolina trusts her. Hearing that after everything that's happened feels almost too good to be true. In all honesty, when she first came back to LA looking to make amends, the most she was hoping for was maybe convincing Karolina not to hate her. She never thought that actually regaining her trust was a real possibility. She's still not sure if she deserves it, but Karolina believes in her, and Nico plans on spending the rest of her life making sure she never regrets it.

So she kisses her, and it's a real kiss this time, a kiss that's been four years in the making. It starts off urgent, like they're both afraid it's going to end at any moment now, but it doesn't and eventually they fall back into their usual pace. Truly kissing Karolina is a billion times better than Nico remembers, and she remembers it as being fantastic. She tastes like wine and warm summers and Nico never wants to taste anything else. 

Their first time in four years is a lot like their first time ever, when they were 16 years old and so in love but at the same time so insecure. Their movements begin slow, tentative, like they're constantly asking each other for permission, constantly trying to make sure they're not crossing any lines. The big difference between sex now and sex at 16 is muscle memory. As soon as they get comfortable their subconscious takes over, reminding them that no matter much they may have changed their bodies remain the same. Their fingers instinctively know where to touch, their lips know where to kiss, their hips know how to move. They fit together perfectly, just like they always have, just like they always will.

Nico wakes up on the next morning with her head resting on Karolina’s bare chest, arms wrapped around her stomach tightly. She lets out a sleepy yawn and looks up to find that Karolina is awake too, staring at her with what can only be described as heart-eyes. Her blonde hair is messy and she looks she didn’t get much sleep - neither of them did - and she’s the single most perfect thing Nico has ever seen.

“Morning, beautiful.” Karolina whispers, smiling down at her lazily. 

Nico feels her heart filling up, growing so much and so fast she’s afraid it won’t fit inside her chest anymore. She wishes she could wake up like this every morning. 

“I love you.” She has said this at least five times in the last few hours, but this time it feels more meaningful. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

“And I love you, too.” Karolina leans closer to plant a kiss on the top of Nico’s head.

Nico breathes in deeply, trying to inhale as much of Karolina as she possibly can. Lying in bed with her like this on a Sunday morning, no responsibilities, no obligations, just  _ them _ … it feels right. It feels more right than anything ever has and Nico doesn’t want it to stop. 

“Come with me.” She doesn’t give herself time to think about it before she says it, knowing full well that if she stops to think she’ll probably stay quiet. “When you graduate, I mean. Come to New York with me.”

“Wait…” Karolina smirks and Nico knows she’s about to be teased. “So, last night you thought maybe it was too soon to kiss me and this morning you’re asking me to move in with you? I mean, I’ve always known I’m good in bed, but I didn’t think I was  _ that _ good.”

“Shut up.” Nico elbows her playfully, rolling her eyes feigning annoyance. “I meant what I said last night about not wanting to rush you, so there’s no pressure on you to say yes. If you’re not ready, it’s fine by me. We can do long distance for a year, five years, ten years, I don’t care, I’ll wait as long as you want, but I want you to know that I’m all in, Kar. You’re the love of my life. If you need time, I’ll give it to you, but if you’re ready, I’m ready. So… what do you say?”  

Karolina doesn’t say anything at first, leaning in to give Nico a kiss so deep it leaves her gasping for breath. She thinks they’re about to have sex again when Karolina suddenly stops them, pulling away to look at Nico with those big ocean eyes of hers filled with pure delight, the grin on her lips beaming with joy. “Of course I’ll come with you, you dummy. I was beginning to worry you’d never ask.”

Later that night, when Karolina drives Nico to the airport and it’s time for her to leave for her flight, they don’t cry. Instead, they hug each other tightly, exchanging soft kisses and  _ I love you _ s until the intercom gives the last call. They both know it’s not really goodbye this time, it’s just  _ see you soon _ . As Nico walks away, she’s wearing the biggest smile on her face, and it’s still there when her plane lands in New York City. Nothing in the world can ever take it away.

(Nico and Karolina’s happy ending doesn’t come easy. It takes effort, it takes time, it takes patience, and the journey is definitely not perfect, but it’s worth it). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaand that's a wrap! thanks so much to everyone who read this far, I hope you guys enjoyed it! as usual, feedback is super welcome either in the comments or via @oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr
> 
> fun fact: the song they sing to in the car was originally Gotta Go My Own way from HSM2 but i realized that the lyrics probably hit a little too close to home for them and i wanted that moment to be light-hearted so i had to change it


End file.
